


A cruel world

by Peppermint__Cat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha Senju Hashirama, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Internal Conflict, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Lies, M/M, Mpreg, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Uchiha Madara, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Self-Hatred, Sexism, Uchiha Madara Has Issues, against omegas, but what is traditional anyway, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:26:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24770830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peppermint__Cat/pseuds/Peppermint__Cat
Summary: Madara knew, what he had to do to save his clan, even if they didn't understand it yet. It should be easy for him to leave this flawed realm behind and become the creator of a new, better one. He knew hatred for the way things were in this world still lingered in his heart.It should have been an easy choice for him... but it wasn't.The mighty Madara Uchiha had a secret. He was an omega in a world built for alphas and betas. He had gone through many hard times. The only thing, that had always kept him out of the darkness, was Hashirama Senju. He was his last hope, his anchor that made him believe in goodness in this world.He never wanted to imagine, what he would do without him.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 76
Kudos: 334





	1. Promises

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone :)
> 
> At first, I have a confession. This is my first fic, english is not my first language and I have no idea what I am doing. Not a good combo when you think about it ... but I digress.  
> I hope you enjoy the ride a little bit.
> 
> **!!!!!!! Warning !!!!!!!!!**
> 
> **The first chapter contains:  
>  \- Mentions of rape  
> \- Hints of domestic and sexual abuse  
> \- and a little bit of victim blaming ... i guess (better save than sorry)**
> 
> **If you want to know more, you can look at the notes at the end of chapter. ******

Whenever Madara Uchiha stood on top of the stone wall above Konoha, he could let his mind wander. He knew that many people mistrusted him because of his quietness. He thought a lot about a lot of things and it always wrapped up in a similar way.

He hated a lot of things. The world, Tobirama Senju, even himself a little bit, if he were honest. He understood, that true peace couldn't be achieved by creating an alliance with the Senju clan, by building this village. It was simply too idealistic. There would always be war and conflict in the shinobi world. Fighting and the need for dominance was fundamental for their human nature. Their brains just worked this way. It didn't matter whether one was an alpha or a beta. Even omegas had this trait to a certain extent. This competitive spirit guaranteed ones survival in this cruel world.

Fortunately, the stone tablet had shown him what he had to do. He had to undo the essence of humanity itself. By creating an infinite dream he could rewrite the human nature. He could erase all hate and greed in the cold shinobi hearts and carve the way for everlasting peace. He could be with his dead brother again. 

Madara still remembered how Izuna had died in his arms. How his little brother, his only family left, had taken his last breath before leaving him in this world. The wound caused by Tobirama Senju had been too severe. Madara had felt so alone. He had cried all night. It had felt like an eternity since he'd shed so many tears. He could feel the eternal mangekyo sharingan manifesting. For this ultimate power he had paid a high price. It would always remind him of his dead brother. That his brother's eyes had been his last gift. That he had failed as a big brother. It was also an oath to bring honor to the Uchihan name. A promise.

After a night of suffocating sadness came hatred. He wanted to burn the whole Senju Clan and every other clan in this land to the ground for taking his brother from him. They were responsible for creating a world where Izuna had to die too young.

There was nothing rational about this growing anger. He understood that they were in the middle of war. Many other Uchihas had lost loved ones before him and everytime he had told them as their young leader they needed to stay calm to plan their next move. But now his rationality and analytical mind were clouded by nothing but fuming rage. He went straight into another battle against the Senju. It should have been the last one. He wanted to make them pay. He wanted to take his revenge.

But in the end he didn't. 

The battle was brutal. Both clans were still weakened, but ultimately the Uchiha lost. Many people could not believe that the Uchihan leader had a sudden change of heart. Madara signed a peace treaty between the Uchiha and the Senju. He became cofounder of Konoha. Madara wanted to laugh at this absurdity and scream at the same. What would Izuna think about this turn of events? Would he regret giving him his eyes? Would he be angry that Madara found something inside him that he dared to call hope for a better future?

But Madara wasn't naive. He saw how the Uchiha and the Senju were still suspicious of each other after the founding of Konoha. The tensions were not gone. They were just paused for an unknown amount of time. Madara was certain conflict would rise again. When that happened the other clans, that had become part of Konoha, would side with the Senju. Many Senju shinobi married into other clans while the Uchiha liked to stick together. It was a subtle way for the Senju to foster alliances under the mantle of peace, but Madara easily saw through it. He didn't understand how these people could leave their name and clan behind so easily. It was frustating to watch. The hate of the Senju for the Uchiha must be greater than their loyalty and love for their own family, he concluded bitterly. Under these circumstances, the end of the once mighty and feared Uchiha clan was guaranteed in his eyes. Eventually, they would be outnumbered and outmatched.

Madara knew what he had to do to save his clan, even if they didn't understand it yet. It should be easy for him to leave this flawed realm behind and become the creator of a new, better one. He knew hatred for the way things were in this world still lingered in his heart.

It should have been an easy choice for him... but it wasn't.

There was a problem for Madara Uchiha that made it practically impossible for him to leave Konoha und give in to the temptation. This problem was named Hashirama Senju.

Hashirama was Madara's childhood friend, but in truth he was so much more than that. He was the former Leader of the Senju clan, founder of Konoha, first Hokage, idolized Alpha and his cheerful smile made Madara feel things he didn't know his ruthless warmonger heart was capable of.

After all these years of spending time with each other Hashirama was still a walking paradox for the Uchiha. He was an alpha and a shinobi, but his heart was filled with love and compassion. He was a Senju, but he strived for peace with their archenemy called Uchiha. He had seen the horrors of this world first hand and yet tried to stay positive and follow his idealistic dreams. 

Madara tried to hate him, but he couldn't.

Hashirama made Madara forget how cruel this world they lived in was. Instead, he made him dream how it could be. Made him wish for a real change of humanity without the pain and horrors Madara knew his plans would cause in the beginning. Madara had always believed the end justified the means, but what if there were better means that could lead to the same outcome?

Madara laughed at himself. He knew it wasn't realistic, but Hashirama had this weird ability. He could bring hope to the people around him. Was Madara being selfish, if he wanted to stay by his side forever and to see him succeed? 

Maybe a little bit.

It was quite embarassing for Madara to think about his conflicting feelings like that. He had always been a proud Uchiha that tried to be in full control of his emotions. Before his brother's death and after _that _godforsaken night he always thought his actions and plans were built on a rational fondation. He wanted to be above his emotions.__

__His father trained him for this, showed him how to be a strong leader. He was the first born after all. It was his responsibility to protect his clan and family. His father Tajima Uchiha and his methods would have seemed cruel from an outsider's perspective, but it was necessary to survive. If you were an emotional crybaby, you would be dead in no time. They had many enemies that would not hesitate to kill a child to prevent it from growing strong in the future._ _

__As the Uchihan heir he knew he had to be carefull. He remembered that his mother and three of his brothers had been murdered under mysterious circumstances. Years later he was told from other clan members that it was probably an attempt to weaken his father and therefore all of the Uchiha. So at the age of six Madara trained. He fought. He killed. He trusted no one that wasn't part of his clan so he could live and protect his last brother Izuna. The world seemed cruel but he understood it. He would adapt._ _

__Then he met the young Hashirama. It had been quite an awkward first meeting between the two children, if he thought about it now. Madara still remembered how much self-loathing he felt when he sat by that river on that fateful day. He was nine at this point, ten in a few weeks, and he didn't awaken his sharingan yet. Even Izuna, who was a years younger than him, had awakened his a few days prior in the heat of battle. He was proud of his brother. He was really, really happy for him, but the horrible feeling of jealousy still remained and pierced his heart. He was a disgrace as the first son of Tajima Uchiha and his father let him feel his frustration._ _

__He sat alone by the river and threw stones across it, completely lost in thoughts. He wondered how he could awaken his sharingan to show his worth to his father. He was very startled when suddenly a figure stood behind him. He absolutely despised it, whenever someone did that. It was a boy not much older than him. He started a conversation without any fear or hostility. He introduced himself as Hashirama. Madara wondered to this day what made him apprauch him in such a fashion, but he should be grateful that he did. He saved the young Uchiha burdened by high expectations from a never ending spiral of self-hatred and doubt. Without doing much Hashirama destroyed the walls built around Madara's heart with his stupid grin and terrible bowl cut._ _

__They promised to meet again and became friends rather quickly. At that time they didn't know the others last name and their clan. They were just two kids looking for approval in hard times._ _

__They met in secret and laughed a lot, forgetting their worries for a few hours. There was an understanding and yearning for peace that connected those two children. They also trained together. They challenged each other and made the other reach new heights. Fighting with Hashirama felt so liberating. He liked to train with his brother. Madara loved him, but everytime they fought he would see the sharingan in the eyes of his brother and it made him break a little on the inside. They would be watched and jugded by their father. Eventhough he defeated his brother most of the time, everytime Madara looked at Tajima there would be no sign of pride for his first son._ _

__Training with Hashirama was different. There was no hatred at that time, just pure respect and passion. After they exhausted themselves, they would be amazed how the other had grown and what new techniques they had learned. They talked about Hashirama's crazy dream about a village, that would unite the shinobi world. Madara believed him at that time. He still wanted to believe him to this day, if he were completely honest. If he thought back now, those days were probably the most happy he would ever have._ _

__Tajima Uchiha noticed how his son gained an incredible amount of strength and confidence in just a few weeks to months. Madara wanted to make his father proud even without the sharingan. With wits and fast tactical thinking he quickly learned how to beat even the most feared Uchiha shinobi who always underestimated him. He was even allowed to go on more dangerous missions. He slowly started to gain respect in his clan, which only helped in his fast growth. Many people called him gifted and praised his abilities. Life couldn't be better._ _

__Then the unthinkable happened._ _

__At first it seemed like a normal evening, when Madara's scent suddenly began to change. Madara Uchiha, first son of the great Tajima Uchiha, child prodigy with great talent even without his kekkei genkai presented his second gender. He was an omega. A male omega. Tajima locked him into his room saying he had a lot to think about. They would talk tomorrow._ _

__Madara's world was completely shattered. He knew his father was furious even though his reaction seemed calm and collected at this new revelation. He had seen it in Tajima's cold stare. His son was supposed to be an alpha like himself but fate was truly cruel. Madara had worked so hard to earn his father's approval. Over the last few weeks he had noticed how his father slowly changed his behaviour towards him. Sometimes he had even smiled at the sight of his son's rapid improvement. His first born might not have been a total failure. It had given Madara hope. Now it was ripped from his shaking hands again._ _

__All his progress was ruined. He was an omega. Useless in battle, unstable, weak. Nothing but a shameful blemish for the whole Uchiha clan._ _

__Omegas were rare, male ones even more. If it had been a peaceful world, a male omega could have been interpreted as a sign from the gods for good luck and prosperity. In the past they were known for their delicate features, beauty and high fertility. But unfortunately, this wasn't a peaceful world. They were in the middle of war. Omegas weren't the ones who brought the victory, strong and courageous alphas were. Omegas were seen as a burden. They brought misfortune in the eyes of many._ _

__Normally, omegas were forbidden to fight because many believed that their competitive abilities were inferior to those of alphas and betas. They weren't even allowed to try to be a shinobi, after they had presented. On the battlefiled they could get insured or kidnapped. They could also distract other clanmembers._ _

__A balanced clan wanted a few omegas. Not too many, not too little. Therefore, the fate of many omegas was very dark. When a clan was annihilated, their omegas were often captured and raped. If the winning side had a shortage of new blood and omegas, it was not unheard of that they would have to give birth to the offspring of the people who had killed the rest of their family just a few months prior. If the winning side had enough omegas, they would be raped and then killed. Sometimes they would be sold. It was a disgusting part of their world Madara realized at that moment._ _

__He didn't want that to be his future. He hadn't witnessed such kind of cruelty in person. He was still young. He had only heard about it from adults. Since he was little the Uchiha were fighting the Senju, never winning or loosing in the grand scheme of things. Therefore, he had never seen a foreign omega. There were only a few omegas in the Uchiha clan at that moment. They were all female and had Uchihan heritage if he thought about it. They weren't acknowleged much and mostly ignored by everyone except their mate._ _

__Even Madara hadn't paid much attention to them. They seemed to live a normal life. Had they dreamed about being a strong shinobi before they presented, Madara wondered. Had they given up on their dream and accepted their place in the world?_ _

__His mind began to wander. Surprisingly, he thought about his mother. He knew she had been an omega. He didn't get to know her, since he had been very young when she and his siblings were killed. He couldn't remember much. He was too young and his father never talked about her again after he informed him and little Izuna about their death. He didn't even remember her face. He surpressed his feelings and memories about her and moved on._ _

__After such a horrible reveal about himself he tried to remember more about her. She always smiled for him. Always kissed him goodnight. Hugged him when he cried. Promised him then that his tears would be a secret between him and her since his father didn't want to see him cry. Memories slowly came back he had pressed into the farthest corner of his mind for several years._ _

__She was a kind woman, but rather distant. She never left the house, looked longingly at the sky, when she thought Madara was busy playing on his own in their little garden. He always thought it was weird._ _

__He remembered how he woke up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. Like a scaredy-cat he ran to his mothers room on his short legs. He knew his father was on a mission. He wasn't a lot at home anyway. He reached her room and opened the door. It was a haunting image. His mother wasn't asleep. She sat in the corner of her room, crying and hugging her bruised knees. She seemed so small as if she were a child herself. Then she looked up and froze at the sight of her oldest son._ _

__He remembered now how she looked. Her grey eyes were cold, lifeless. Tears were streaming down her pale face. She was very skinny. She looked so tired. Her long blond hair seemed white in the moonlight. After a few seconds of shock and silence she stood up, wiped away her tears and smiled at him. Promised him everything was alright as if nothing had happened. A few days later she told him he would be getting another sibling._ _

__Madara stopped his thoughts immediately. A foul taste spread out in his mouth. His mother was a female omega, but she didn't have dark eyes. She didn't have dark hair. He realized what those details meant. She wasn't an Uchiha at all._ _

__Madara wanted to throw up. He remembered then what the adults said about the fate of omegas in this world. Had they talked about his mother? Had his father..._ _

__Madara didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about any of it! He wasn't an omega. That would be absurd. Nature had made a mistake. It must be some kind of twisted joke. He was a proud Uchiha, a prodigy like everyone around him said. If he was an omega, how was he supposed to protect his clan or Izuna? He wasn't weak. He could win against Hashirama during their training. He had protected his little brother multiple times during fights with the Senju. His omegan mother had died while protecting his brothers, he wouldn't. He would still make his father proud. He would work harder, more than ever before. He wouldn't be a pathetic omega. He wouldn't accept that he was supposed to be an omega at all. He would hide it. He knew that chakra could hide his scent. No one would ever know except his father._ _

__He would get his sharingan. He wasn't a broken heir. He was worthy and he was going to proof it._ _

__Anger filled his young heart. He screamed into his pillow. That night he had sworn to himself that this would be the last time he would ever cry, but young Madara eventually had to learn that this cruel wouldn't let him hold on to every promise he ever made. This should be the case for this promise and many others that would follow._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!More about the Warnings/ a brief summery!!!!!
> 
> Young Madara finds out that he is an omega. He thinks he is a disgrace to his own family (and his stupid father also thinks that) because every shinobi considers them worthless in the middle of war. They are oppressed and have to endure the worst of the worst in this world. They are kidnapped, sexually abused, raped etc.  
> At the end Madara thinks about his dead omega mother and realizes that she and his dad didn't have the most consensual relationship. Nothing explicit but the hints are there. Being young and confused he goes into his 100% denial mode. He promises to never be "weak" like her and be the strong son his father always wanted.
> 
> !!!!!End of the summery!!!!!!! 
> 
> So...now I am sad. I wanted something fluffy and happy and look where I ended up. Where is Hashirama when he is needed?
> 
> This is my first fic I ever published and I am kinda nervous.  
> I would be very happy about comments and feedback.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	2. Home

The sun was glaring down upon the land. On days like this the fire nation truly lived up to it's name. In the past, Hashirama Senju had always liked hot summer days. They somehow called out to him. They demanded of him to leave this building and find a wonderfully shady place under a tree. Feel the wind blow, hear the birds chirp. That would simply be dreamlike.

Unfortunately, he couldn't do that. He had to sit inside of the hokage tower. His office was heating up and the fabric of his white robe had too many heavy layers. How was he supposed to do all the paperwork, if they let him sweat to death first? He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. Back to reality. He looked down at the scroll on his desk his brother had brought to him just a few minutes earlier without saying a word. His mood darkened, which it rarely did.

"What is your decision, brother?" Tobirama broke the silence and looked at him. His eyes were full of expectation. He waited for Hashirama's approval. As if it were that easy of a choice he was presented with.

"I'm not sure about this, Tobirama. I... I have to think about it first." Hashirama answered bluntly. He believed lying couldn't get you far and he wanted to be honest about his feelings with his younger brother.

Tobirama had a puzzled look on his face. He didn't believe what his brother just said.

"What is there to think about? The elders already approved it." Tobirama retorted, while crossing his arms and giving him an even more confused look.

"It just doesn't sit right with me at the moment. Why do you have to challenge me about this?" 

"Don't be so dramatic, Hashirama. This is a chance to form a powerful alliance for Konoha. You are the hokage, a political figurehead! Act like one and do what is best for your village!" Tobirama countered with a loud voice, clearly annoyed at his brother's hesitation. He had hit a nerve.

"Do you really think I don't want to do exactly that?" Hashirama's question was unexspectedly calm compared to his brother's former strong voiced accusation. He was determined to not let this get ou t of hand. He stared into his brother's red eyes and smiled sadly.

"I know that you care about Konoha, Tobirama. I am more than happy that you do. But so do I! Just let me have time and think about the proposal. That's all I ask of you."

Tobirama's frown disappeared and he looked to the ceiling.

"I guess I have to do that." He sighed defeated. Nothing of the antagonizing tone from before was left to Hashirama's delight. "But promise me you will not take too long." With that said he turned around to leave the room.

"I'll do, what I can, but I promise absolutely nothing!" Hashirama yelled jokingly. A wholehearted grin formed on his face, even though his brother couldn't see it anymore. He heard an annoyed groan comming from the hallway, but in reality he knew Tobirama was already over it and just wanted to act tough. That was the way, how his little brother reacted when confronted with his older brother's too positive energy, but Hashirama didn't really care. He was just glad they didn't part with unresolved tension between them. Arguments with his brother always made him feel uneasy. It brought back things he wanted to leave in the past, where they belonged.

Tobirama was so much more calculating than him. It wasn't an inherently bad trait, even helpful in some situations, but it was the main reason, why their ideas, how Konoha should be run, clashed most of the time. Tobirama had this very pragmatic side he often showed, when they disagreed on something. Mostly on politics. Tobirama didn't like it, when his older brother hesitated to act just because of some gut feeling. It reminded Hashirama a lot of their father Butsuma. Hashirama always felt bad, whenever this comparison crossed his mind. It wasn't fair. Why was his father's dark shadow still looming over his son's head even years after his death?

Hashirama chuckled nervously. He knew he was beating a dead horse by this point. If his mind was doomed to be stuck in the past, how would he be able to work towards a better future? He would need to be a lot better than that. 

He clearly needed fresh air and a walk. The heat in this room made him think about the weirdest things.

He looked at the scroll once more. What should he do?

He felt the sudden urge to talk to Madara about this issue. His friend always listened to him, while he was rambling about his thoughts and feelings without any judgement. He admired the fresh perspectives the Uchihan leader had on many things in life. He would surely know, what to do and if not, he would still have talked with Madara again, which was always a good thing from Hashirama's point of view. With a plan in mind, the scroll in hand and a giant grin on his face he finally allowed himself to leave the overheated hokage tower in order to find his best friend.

It was a well known fact with the villagers of Konoha, that the former Senju leader loved nature. During his childhood he had regurlarly fled to the forest to relax, but lately he had to admit, that he was filled with immense pride, whenever he saw the growing streets of Konoha. One might say to amble through the alleys, to meet and talk to new inhabitants and to see his village flourish had become one of his favourite pastimes these days. That many of his strolls ended with him being drunk in a nearby casino to passionately gamble away a large amount of his money was often left unsaid. Maybe that was for the best since he needed to be respected as the hokage. But old habits died hard, Hashirama thought.

The streets were even more lively than usual. Konoha's founding would have his two year anniversary in just a week. Hashirama wanted to celebrate that occasion. As the hokage he let a grand festival be organized. He knew the happy atmosphere would surely bring civilians and shinobi of all origins together. At least Hashirama was very optimistic about it. Tobirama had just rolled his eyes, when he was told about it by a fully convinced Hashirama, but that was just the way his brother was. Madara had been rather quiet about the whole thing. It made Hashirama worry a little bit, that this hadn't been a good idea.

But now the streets were buzzing, while people of many different backgrounds decorated their houses together with matching lanterns and flowers. Little colorful booths were being built to sell food and other things during the festival. He often stopped to marvel at all the detailed little decorations and care put into them. He was so happy, he could have cried in the middle of the street! Even a few months ago young Konoha resembled more a construction site than a real village, but now it felt vivid and lived in. It resembled the people residing in it and it made Hashirama's heart soar. He would protect Konoha and all of its people no matter the cost. Konoha was his dream come true, his home.

Hashirama was on the way to the Uchihan compound. His friend was most likely there, but he couldn't be sure. Madara liked to surpress his chakra, so that he couldn't be found easiliy by other sensory type ninjas. It always left an aching feeling to see his best friend being so withdrawn and secretive about himself as if he had something to hide. He even covered up his scent, whenever he was with other people. Even with Hashirama, his so called best friend! Did he even let his scent out, when he was alone? When Hashirama had asked for his friend's reasons for his secretiveness, he just shrugged and said he simply didn't want to do it.

Hashirama knew the identifying smell of betas wasn't usually that strong, but Madara smelled like nothing at all. He never did. It confused every new person he met, because it was weird behavior to a lot of them. It was especially problematic in political meetings. Hiding one's scent made people think their opposite was planning something behind their backs since it also covered one's emotion. Usually, this practise was reserved for dangerous missions in which shinobi didn't want to be detected by their enemies. Many clans had special jutsu to track individual scents. It must be a great strain on his chakra reserves to uphold this technique all the time. Was Madara really that paranoid?

He knew, that the war has left every shinobi with some hidden scars. Everyone was coping with them differently. Hashirama really wanted to respect his friend's privacy, but he also wanted to help Madara if he struggled in any way. Maybe Madara was ashamed that he was just a beta and not an alpha like the other clan leaders?

He still remembered the moment he presented during a training session with other Senju shinobi. Normally, people presented around nine to thirteen, but there were always exceptions in both directions. It was a symbol of the beginning adolescence, the end of childhood. He was just eight and therefore younger than most people, when it happened. His scent wasn't that strong yet due to his age and one could easily miss it, if they didn't expect it, but it was there nonetheless. The news spread like wildfire and many people of his clan congratulated him as if it were a huge achievement one had to work hard for. At least everyone seemed to be happy about it.

To be honest he felt very indifferent about his second gender at that time. He was an alpha like everyone had expected. It wasn't a surprise or anything special to him. His perspective changed when his brother, the second oldest, Kawarama Senju presented as an omega. Their father immediately forbade his son to train or to fight in any way. He also heavily restricted his son's movement. It was a huge shock to all of the four young brothers, how differently he was treated than just a few days ago. Hashirama tried to support Kawarama and worked up all his courage. He challenged his father's decision for the first time. 

_It is for his own good. _It still haunted him, how his father said those words to him, completely unfazed by the rebellious anger it awakened in his oldest son. His father did not give an inch. He did not try to understand his sons. He wouldn't let his authority be questioned by mere brats. His beliefs were as strong as his fist, that made Hashirama's nose bleed with just one single blow. It was the first time his father had hit him, but it wouldn't be the last.__

__Kawarama stayed silent and played along for one whole month, until he couldn't take it anymore. He ran away. Two days later he was found dead by Senju shinobi on patrol. No one knew what really had happened, but apparently the young omega took three of his attackers with him. Hashirama felt so guilty. What should he have done to prevent this from happening?_ _

__He was weirdly relieved, when Tobirama's scent changed and let everyone around him know, that the third son of Butsuma was an alpha like Hashirama. His oldest brother would have loved him anyway, but he didn't want to imagine, how his father would have reacted. He didn't want Kawarama's fate to repeat itself. Unfortunately, his fourth and youngest brother named Itama didn't even get old enough to present. He was brutally killed in an Uchihan ambush, when he was just seven years old._ _

__Instead of falling into despair Hashirama was filled with endless determination to chase after his dream, to completely oppose his father's path. He would get strong enough on his own to end this pointless cycle of revenge and war, stop this senseless killing. Kawarama's and Itama's deaths should be the last of their kind. To see Konoha grow into a safe haven for many felt like reaping the fruits of his labor and to have Madara with him on this journey was just amazing. He hoped his lost brothers were watching him somewhere and were a little bit proud of him. He strongly doubted his father was._ _

__Hashirama realized he was thinking about the past again, when he suddenly heard a child screaming. Civilians around him turned their heads. It came from one of the side streets. Without hesitation the hokage took action and tried to locate the source further._ _

__He entered the side alley quicky, but cautiously. They were behind the next corner. He used his sensory skills to determine how many enemies he had to deal with. Who dared to attack a child inside Konoha in the middle of the day? He located the child and three other chakra centers. No... wait a minute!_ _

__He walked around the corner and his suspicions were confirmed. The four people in front of him ... were all children._ _

__The smallest one had his back to him, so he couldn't see his face, but by the sobbing he heard he could imagine how it looked like at this moment. The other three were standing in front of the black haired boy. They were taller and clearly a few years older than the crying kid. They were looming over the other's much smaler frame. One of them was emitting a strong alpha scent to intimidate the younger one. It clearly worked. They boy was terrified._ _

__"What do you think you're doing?" Hashirama questioned them in a strict tone as he began to walk closer._ _

__"Lord Hokage!" The three boys shrieked at the same time with high pitched voices.Their eyes widened. Their faces became as white as Tobirama's hair, when they saw who was approaching them. They instantely panicked and jumped off to the roofs of the surrounding houses. Their physical abilities made it obvious, that they were young shinobi in training, probably students of the academy. They fled the scene like terrified chickens. It would be no problem for Hashirama to run after them, catch them, but he had a more important task in front of him. He knew their faces. He could track them down later and talk to their teachers._ _

__He walked up to the small boy and sat down to be at the same height as him. He gave him a warm smile._ _

__"Hello, little one. Would you tell me your name and age?" He asked warmly. The boy was still crying, but he tried to get a hold of himself._ _

__"Goo-d after-noon, Lo-ord ho-kage" The boy hiccuped. He tried to wipe away his tears with his hands, but there always came new ones. Hashirama didn't mind. He was patient._ _

__"I am Ka-gami Uchiha" The boy slowly calmed down and the tears died down as well. "And I am eight"_ _

__"Wow, eight already!" Hashirama grinned. Kagami nodded and a weak smile formed on his face. "But why are you here, Kagami and not at home at the Uchiha compound? It is getting late." Hashirama needed to know, what had happened between those kids. The boy's smile was gone again, but he started talking._ _

__"I-I was on the way home. I promise, lord hokage. I was at the a-acedemy and we were training with sensei Osamu for the sports c-competition. That one during the festival in a few days. After class I wanted to go home, but those three of the other class saw me a-and stopped me." Kagami was rambling fast and stumbled on his words. His posture tensed more the longer he talked. He was still nervous. Hashirama was listening closely and nodded reassuringly as best as he could._ _

__"They grabbed my upper arm and dragged me in here. Then..." Kagami stopped. Hurt shimmered in his young eyes. It broke Hashirama's heart._ _

__"What happened then, Kagami? You can tell me."_ _

__"They... told me really mean things. They threatened me and said I was weak, because I started to cry and that I don't belong in the academy of Konoha because I-I am an Uchiha. They said... that the Uchiha are spawns of evil and that we should all leave this village, if we value our life. That we bring nothing but destruction."_ _

__Hashirama was stunned. To be honest he hadn't expected that at all. Of course the Senju hadn't believed that every problem would be solved with Konoha's founding. The development of true solidarity among shinobi of different clans was a slow and fragile process, but never impossible in Hashirama's eyes. Didn't all humans in this world have the desire for peace and love? Therefore, the words Kagami had described felt like a punch in the gut. And the fact they had been said by children hurt even more. Obviously, they had observed this behaviour in their parents or other adults and just repeated it, acted on it._ _

__"Is it true, lord hokage? Are... we really bad people?" Kagami's voice was weak. It held an unbearable sadness and forlorness. Hashirama needed to act. He brought his hands to the boy's shoulders and placed them firmly upon them._ _

__"I don't believe that at all, Kagami" He said without letting room for doubt between his words. "Without the Uchiha clan Konoha wouldn't even exist. Your clan leader Madara is one of the greatest and most intelligent ninjas I've ever had the honor to know and I am sure that you can become a great and honorable shinobi just like him, if you train hard and don't give up." Then he added," And it isn't weak to cry, you know. It is okay to feel sad, when you were hurt. Sometimes real strength is not determined, whether you fall on your back, but rather if you can stand up after it happened."_ _

__"You really think that, lord hokage?" Kagami's dark eyes lightened up. Hashirama really did. He wouldn't have said these words otherwise. He had the feeling that this little Uchiha had great potential, that this kid was truly a child of Konoha. The will of fire ran through his veins and all he needed was a little confidence._ _

__"I do think that. You said you were on your way home. I was on the way to the compound as well. Do you want to accompany me?" Hashirama rose to his feet and hold out his hand to Kagami._ _

__"Yes!" With a yelp the Uchiha took the outstreched hand of the Senju. They were so much smaller than expected. Together they left the alley and set off. Kagami smiled proudly, when being seen with the hokage. They reached the compound in a few minutes and Kagami showed him the way to his home. Hashirama noticed the lack of decorations the other streets had. No lanterns, no flowers in the whole compound as if nothing was planned and organized in the rest of Konoha._ _

__At their destination a beta woman around thirty opened the door. Her dark short hair and eyes were typical for the Uchihas, but her facial features resembled Kagami's so much it would have been uncanny, if they hadn't been more closely related. That boy left Hashirama's side and ran quickly into her arms. So probably his mother. She happily kissed her son's forhead and welcomed him back home. Her expression faltered reflexively, when she saw the man that had been with her son. Her glare couldn't be described as openenly hostile, but it held a cold undertone of enmity, an unspoken question, why the Senju infiltrated their little home. Hashirama couldn't fully grasp all the nuances._ _

__After just a fraction of a second she snapped out of it and greeted him respectfully. If it weren't for the hokage's great perception skills, the hesitation in her action would have been missed entirely. She bowed down and invited him to come inside as it was a normal custom, when a high ranking shinobi stood in front of your door._ _

__Hashirama accepted the invitation and the cup of green tea she offered. The hokage knew deep down he wasn't actually welcome, but he needed to talk to her about the incident he had witnessed. Taree Uchiha , she had introduced herself, stayed silent throughout Hashirama's story of what had accured in that side street just half an hour ago. Her eyes didn't widen in shock, her hands didn't turn into fists. Unbeknownst to Hashirama she had heard it all before. Things like that happened all the time. It wasn't just an isolated case. Many Uchihan children had to hear those hateful comments._ _

__Hashirama finished with the promise he would find the culprits and talk to their parents and teachers. Taree smiled politely and thanked him for his promised support. She had always passionately hated the Senju clan. They took her husband when Kagami was still growing inside of her. She had always been against Konoha's existence. It felt unfair for the loss she had suffered. That now everything would be forgotten. But the Senju in front of her was so honestly concerned about her little Kagami. She smelled his sincerity in his warm scent. His promise to help felt so pure, his brown eyes looked so genuine and Taree wanted to believe in him somehow. That somewhere in the future children wouldn't hear these insults anymore. That one day all of the Uchiha might call this village home under his care. She would never forgive the Senju, but maybe she could make an exception for the hokage._ _

__On his way out Hashirama saw Kagami sitting on the stairs in the hallway. His mother didn't want him to be part in the serious conversation. In his goodbye the Senju promised to look out for him during the competition. It made the child laugh to have the hokage as his fan._ _

__Hashirama still wanted to talk to Madara, but the little weasel didn't seem to be at his home or the compound at all. All Uchihas Hashirama talked to said their leader had left this morning and hadn't come back. With dashed hopes the hokage left the compound again. But then he got another idea, where his friend could be._ _

__The sun was starting to hide behind the green mountains in the distance. Finally, the temperature started drop as the sky changed his color from a light blue to a warm orange. It made it easier for the Senju to climb up the wall behind the hokage tower. The breeze up here had a cooling effect. It made his sweat inducing robe more bearable. He reached the top in no time._ _

__There he was. Standing on the top of the stone wall was no other than Madara Uchiha. The man looked down upon their village that prepared for the night ahead. His long dark hair moved in the wind. His skin had a golden shine in the light of dawn. He wore a short-sleeved black battle tunic. His muscular arms weren't usually shown, so they captured Hashirama's eyes. Then he saw his dark eyes, they searched for something they would never find._ _

__All in all, Madara seemed ... lonely, absent, lost in thoughts no one but him could understand. Hashirama felt like he saw a side of his friend he had rarely seen before. There was a vulnerability Madara always hid away like so many other things. So many questions raced through Hashirama's head. Why was he up here alone for the whole day? What was he feeling, when he saw Konoha from up here? Why did he seem to be so far away from their people? And lastly, was Madara... unhappy here?_ _

__Hashirama wanted to change that. Konoha was their dream since childhood and in this moment Hashirama set himself a new top priority. He would make Madara feel at home here. He didn't know, where the dark feelings of his friend had come from, but he was positive he could chase them away. That was what friends were made for!_ _

__With the new found resolution Hashirama closed the distance between them. In just a few seconds the alpha had completely forgotten about the scroll in his pocket and the issue he'd wanted to talk about._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments on the first chapter. It made me feel so welcome in this community and motivated me to write the second one.
> 
> With this chapter I tried to flesh out Hashirama a little bit and how he sees Konoha as the hokage. I hope you like this version of him.
> 
> Again, I would be very happy about feedback and I would like to hear your thoughts :)
> 
>   
> Thank you for reading <3


	3. Desperation

"How many times do I have to tell you that, Hashirama! Don't just appear behind my back all of a sudden!" Madara let himself sound extra annoyed, when he smelt Hashirama's scent and felt his chakra behind him. Somehow it felt justified to overreact a little bit. Hashirama knew he didn't like it. He had told him that at least a hundred times, but he didn't have the exact number. That would only make him even more mad, when it would eventually happen again. And it always would. And Madara always would let the Senju get away with it without any meaningful grudge. Any other person, who dared to sneak up on him, would soon know the feeling of losing a limb or two. How long has Hashirama been standing there anyway without Madara noticing him?

"I am sorry, Madara. You just looked so deep in thoughts and I didn't want to startle you." The alpha laughed and scratched the back of his head. "But I promise I would have catched you, if you had jumped of the cliff in surprise."

"As if I would do that!" Madara pouted. He crossed his arms defensively. His gaze went back to the village in front of him that was painted in deep orange. The shadows of the buildings growing longer and longer. The heavy weight that lied on his shoulders was not completely gone, but it was easier to breath with Hashirama by his side somehow. The alpha cut the last remaining distance between them and took the place to his left. Looking to Madara, then Konoha and then Madara again. He seemed to wait for his friend to continue his annoyed act, but nothing came.

"So... What were you doing up here?" Hahirama asked with a goofy grin letting the previous topic go, lightening Madara's mood with ease. He just couldn't stay too grumpy with this image in front of him, couldn't help but crack a smile at Hashirama's face. His smile hasn't changed at all. The Senju looked like the ten year old boy from so many years ago. The same energy, hopefulness, childish naivity. Only his longer hair made the years, that had passed, evident.

"Just thinking. I often come here to do that. Nothing special," Madara mumbled. 

Of course he trusted his childhood friend. His heart deeply yearned to be heard, understood by the last person he deeply cared about in this world, but his rational mind held him back of speaking too openly. He knew he couldn't share his growing doubts about this whole village project. It would ruin the Senju's friendly demeanor, ruin his smile, ruin their friendship and Madara didn't want to let go of that anchor just yet. At the moment Hashirama wouldn't understand Madara's point of view. Maybe he never would. Maybe they were simply too different.

"You shouldn't come up here too often though. Especially not alone, Madara."

Hashirama's eyes were focused and looked directly into the Uchiha's. His smile was still on his lips. His voice was even, as if stating the most obvious fact in the world. This bluntness made Madara lose his words for a second. Where did this come from suddenly? To baffle him like this was a skill only Hashirama was able to perform so consistently. Madara tried to come up with a quick counter, how Hashirama shouldn't tell him what to do, but his scattered thoughts couldn't regroup fast enough this time. Hashirama just carried on, now with an enthusiastic, yet nostalgic tone. His expression filled with warmth as he looked upon the village in front of them.

"I think it needs to remain special. If I came up here every single day alone, I would miss how much Konoha has grown. I would miss the small details, the little changes from up here. Like that house over there," he pointed to a cottage of regular size in the far east of Konoha. It was almost completely engulfed in trees. There wasn't anything outstanding about this particular building in Madara's eyes. It looked normal, plain. He hadn't paid any attention to it before and he wasn't sure, whether it deserved his attention now.

"It wasn't finished the last time I was standing here. I wonder, if I have met its residents already. Or that alley to the south..."

Madara listened to the Senju's words. He didn't really get, what Hashirama was trying to tell him with this little list, but he didn't make any attempt to stop him either. Hashirama sounded so excited, while pointing out small, pointless things he noticed about the houses, streets and infrastructure of Konoha. Like a proud child showing off his work a little bit. Like a puppy seeking approval, while wildly waging his tail from left to right. It was endearing in a weird way, as endearing as a grown alpha could be, but Madara would go through hell before ever admitting of thinking like that. 

In moments like these Madara felt a little sting, the needle called jealousy on the left side of his chest. He wished he could be happy about those mundane things in life too, see the world through Hashirama's eyes. 

But that would never be possible.

They would always be Izuna's, a gift and curse at the same time. Madara was able to see the truth about the future of this world and would forever be tortured by it's cruel revelation. But listening to his friend made it easier to bear this burden, eased the anxiety for a little while. Why could Hashirama do this to him? Why could he make his heart flutter with false hope that his presence alone could move everything in the right direction?

"Or have you seen all the people who are excited about the festival? You can't even see all the decorations from up here." Madara had indeed noticed all the noise outside of the Uchihan compound in the last few days. Someone like Hashirama might call that excitement.

"Yeah, it isn't exactly easy to ignore such turmoil," Madara admitted, but he wasn't sure, whether he really meant the ongoing preparations outside of his compound or the rising tensions that it had caused between numerous member's of the Uchiha clan.

"Turmoil... that word makes you sound as if you weren't planning on celebrating the anniversary of Konoha, Madara." Hashirama laughed, as if it was just a lighthearted joke. He didn't actually believe the theory he had just made up. Therefore, the following statement of the Uchiha came really out of the blue for him.

"I don't," Madara deadpanned. 

He could see the exact moment, in which Hashirama choked on his own laugh. He looked with wide eyes at his friend, blinking again and again to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming, that he wasn't caught in some kind of genjutsu. Now the hokage was at a loss for words, opening and closing his mouth like a fish on land. No intelligible words could find their way to come out. His hands were twitching, not knowing what to do, but wanting to hold onto something for support. His shocked reaction was so expressive, nearly comedic.

"Don't act like this information took you by surprise, Hashirama. You know I always try to avoid such large social gatherings," the Uchiha reasoned casually.

That was true. Madara didn't like to be in crowds full of total strangers. It made him nervous to be watched from a distance by them. He would always be observed like a wild animal in a cage, like the leader of the infamously tamed Uchiha clan. Whether their glances radiated with disgust or fear didn't really matter, but the fact that he couldn't escape them, no matter where he would flee to. The feeling of losing control was the worst, that could happen to him. 

It was different on the battlefield. There he could easily take control of the situation, could get rid of those, who dared to look at him the wrong way. Now all he could do was to stare threatingly back since he couldn't let his scent do this job.

"But... why...Madara! You can't be serious" Hashirama gasped in disbelief. " Everyone is working so hard for this. You are the cofounder of Konoha! Please, think about it again." 

"I have already made up my mind about the festival. I have absolutely no intention to-" Madara was interrupted midsentence. His shoulders were grabbed by the alpha, his fingers clutched into the thin fabric of Madara's tunic. Then the scent of the Senju hit his whole body with incomparable intensity. It wasn't an act fuiled by aggression or anger, but desperation. As if Madara would soar far away right now, if Hashirama wouldn't cling to him and holding him on the ground beneath their feet. Nothing of the comedic energy from before was left.

It caught Madara off guard again. Even Hashirama looked also a little surprised by his own rather impulsive action. His gaze went to the hands on Madara's shoulders that connected both of them, then to the ground. He took a deep breath. His lips were pressed together.They stood in silence for a few seconds. Madara wished he could know what was going through Hashirama's head right now. Where did this desperation in his scent come from? This wasn't how he usually acted around him. He wanted his carefree and joking friend back.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that." Hashirama seemed to calm down slowly. His scent didn't have this overpowering quality anymore, but stress still lingerd on the edges. The hands left his shoulders. Madara could still feel pressure on them. The Senju took two steps back. He could see that Hashirama was beating himself over it, still looking to the ground.

"Forgive and forget," Madara answered, while he tried unwrinkle his short sleeves. Somehow he felt responsible for this situation, but he had no helpful idea, what to do. it wasn't really his strength to cheer someone up, but he wanted to try. He said the first thing that came to his mind. "If it is that important to you, I will overthink my decision about going to the festival."

Had he really just said that out loud? He hoped he hadn't acted too rashly.

Fortunately, that was the right thing to say. As if single button had been pushed, the concerned wrinkles on Hashirama's forhead disappeared immediately. 

"Really, Madara? You won't regret it!" Did Hashirama always have these little stars in his eyes? Madara had just said he would think about his decision again, not that he would go, but somehow Hashirama seemed to have heard otherwise. He talked about all the things they could do on that day together, how amazing it would be, a day they would never forget. The Senju couldn't stop talking. He gesticulated wildly and pointed everywhere to emphazise his overflowing joy. Madara would have felt bad, if he corrected his friend's wrong assumptions now.

"Then we could watch the competition of the academy and cheer on the students...Uh" Hashirama face darkened. A memory came to him, that made him halter.

"Actually, there is something I need to tell you." Hashirama had this serious mentality again, but he wasn't as tense as before. 

The hokage told him about what he had witnessed this afternoon. As the leader of his clan Madara knew Kagami Uchiha. He was a talented and polite boy, but Madara thought he was a little too soft sometimes. It angered him nonetheless to hear that he had become the latest victim of such hateful harassment. Another one of his kind attacked for their blood and lineage. He would have to report this incident during the clan summit next morning. Maybe the news had already spread around the Uchihas and the topic would come up on its own. That had happened last time.

"But don't worry. I gave my promise to his mother Taree that I'm going to deal with it." Hashirama concluded on a positive note. "And I have to look out for Kagami during the competition. So we have to keep that in mind for our festival planning."

What did Hashirama mean with the last phrase? He would deal with it? Did he really think that one little chat with three children would solve the problem? Maybe these kids would not misbehave again, but others would. Others already had.

_What if you can't change their minds, Hashirama? What if you can't change anything? _He wanted to scream these questions right into this untroubled face in front of him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He desperately hoped Hashirama would have an answer, but he didn't want his expectations to be shattered. Within the eternal dream everything would be easily changed...__

____

As if sensing Madara's doubt Hashirama elaborated more. He knew him too well. He could read his emotions even though Madara's scent was suppressed all the time.

____

"I believe in our Konoha, Madara. I think, if there is one place in this world, where all the hatred can be overcome, it is this village right in front of our eyes. Konoha has become a home for so many people. It is a place, where shinobi can connect. They interact and affect each other everyday. I know this long path won't be easy. I know there will be setbacks, but whenever that happens, I'll just try again to make things right. We'll try again, right?"

____

Hard-workig and honest. Madara always thought his friend embodied those words like no one else he knew. Once again he was shown, how he had gotten that impression of him. Hahirama was standing in front of him, fully convinced by his own words. The last strays of sunlight danced on his face, before the sun completely laid herself to rest, until she would rise again tomorrow. How was he supposed to argue with him? To go up against him? Against someone who resembeld more a divine being than a mortal one?

____

"Right," Madara had to agree for now and with that the night had begun.

____

They left the cliffside together. The streets were illuminated by the lights coming from the windows of the surrounding houses. The stars were too shy to show themselves tonight. Hashirama just continued talking about his plans for the festival, how excited he was for his speech. Madara mostly listened to him, but he immediatly declined the offer to play any part in the opening ceremony. That would really go too far. 

____

They parted ways soon. Hashirama walked home and Madara to his compound. The streets became emptier. He felt stares on his back. Somehow the lights of the houses became colder as well. The rising moon above looked down menacingly, taunting Madara. He began to walk faster, his breath quickened slightly.

____

He reached the compound. He still felt watched, even though not a single person was around him anymore. Was he being followed or did his mind pay a trick on him again? He activated his sharingan and looked around. Even with his enhanced sight his bloodred eyes could not detect any human motion in the darkness around him. He didn't know, whether he should be relieved or concerned about that. He was sure he felt someone's presense.

____

He decided to further investigate this at a different time. Maybe other clan members had noticed a similar phenomenon. He quickly made the way to his house. Technically it was too large for one person alone. Madara didn't find a use for many of the rooms so they were left untouched, empty. I didn't stay much inside anyway.

____

Now he needed to rest for the early summit tomorrow. It gave him headaches just to think about the Uchihan elders he was forced to meet again. He avoided them as much as he could. It was a contant struggle with those three. They knew too much, had too much power over him.

____

Madara went to his backyard. It was the only part he really liked about this house. The garden was big and the high walls and few trees created a private atmosphere. It was also the place, where he kept his two falcons. They were such beautiful creatures. So gracious and deadly. After feeding his little killers, he went back inside.

____

He noticed a particular scent that followed him around. It was earthy and yet the flowery touch made it light, like spring and autumn at the same time. Madara knew it by heart. He could identify this scent in a crowd of thousands. It was Hashirama's. The weak fragrance came from his clothes, from the sleeves, where the Senju had grabbed the thin fabric in the heat of the moment this evening. Like a warm coat it had covered his senses so Madara hadn't noticed it until now.

____

A familiar, yet unwanted longing awakened deep inside of him. This burning urge told him to smell it more, to let his nose wander around the dark fabric to grasp all the hidden nuances this alpha scent could offer. To let out his own to mix both of them, to combine them. 

____

It was stupid. He was disgusted by these thoughts, because he knew exactly, why he had them.

____

Why did his body need to do this to him every now and then, to remind him about his primitive existence as an omega? Hashirama's scent should not be defiled like that. Especially not by someone as shameful as him. The weight that had been lifted from his shoulders for a short while came crashing down with its full might.

____

He knew what he was capable of. He had killed enough shinobi to be sure of his legendary fighting skills despite his cursed second gender. He had worked hard to overcome every hurdle on his way. He was still the leader of the Uchiha clan. His name alone made lesser enemies shake in absolute fear. He couldn't fall for the first alpha that smiled his way. He wasn't just some clueless omega. He never wanted to act like that.

____

He knew all of that, but now he felt weak, so disgustingly weak. Even though he had always fought hard, but failed too many times as if the universe wanted him to be miserable. He failed his father's expectations. He failed at protecting Izuna, failed to avenge him. He failed to become the first hokage. He couldn't even bring himself to save humanity from destroying itself because of some stupid unrequited crush.

____

He was truly the epitome of pathetic, but he still clung to his pride, his clan and his purpose. They needed him to be as strong as his father had been.

____

He roughly took his black tunic off, now left wearing the matching pants of the same color. He looked at the dark fabric in his hands. His whole upper body trembled out of anger. The short sleeves were still wrinkled. He wanted to rip them off. They made him feel like this, used Hashirama's pure scent against him to reminded him of his vile core.

____

Madara ran into his backyard again. He threw the black cloth onto the grass far enough away from the bird cage or any other trees. He focused on the chakra flow in his chest and moved his hands quickly. _Dog, boar, tiger._

____

____

____

"Fire style: Fire bullet." In an instant, the tunic was consumed by red flames. A pillar of fire shot through the night. He could hear the falcons letting out a surpised cry due to the sudden light and heat. Next, the fire was gone again and left a dark circle of ash behind. Madara stepped closer and ran his right hand through the black and coaly reminders of his once short sleeved robe. It was still warm.

____

____

____

He wished he could burn everything he despised about himself to the ground just as easily.

____

____

____

A few meters away a creature hidden in absolute darkness was delighted to see the man in this desperate state. It had watched and followed the Uchiha the whole evening. It knew it just needed to wait a little while longer. The time was near.

____

____

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say thank you for every kudo and comment on the last two chapters. Especially the comments are so nice and supportive. <3 <3 <3
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter and don't regret reading it :'D
> 
> Until next time :)
> 
> Ps. If you find a mistake you can point it out if you want. Or tell me, if I need to add a tag or if im using a tag the wrong way. Any other criticism and other thoughts on my work are also welcome. I'm still learning after all. I am happy about every comment I get :D


	4. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE thank you for over 100 Kudos, for every bookmark, subscription and especially comment <3<3<3

_Ten - Head held low, eyes locked on the ground - Shame, disgust, fear._  
_"You are truly a shame for my name, Madara. But ...you are still my son. You will get this one chance. Promise, you will make it count."_

_Jump_

_Nineteen - bloodied hands, wet cheeks and teary eyes - Desperation, anger, sadness._  
_"Brother, my side... it hurts so much. I know it...is too late for me. You have to promise me one last thing, before you go."_

_Intertwined_

**_"Promise me, you will lead the Uchiha to a grand future."_ **

Madara opened his eyes abruptly, as if he had been hit by lightning. He sat himself up and snapped his head from left to right. His neck movement was erratic and unnatural. It took a moment for his mind to identify his surroundings.

He realized, he was in his own bedroom, in his own house, in... the village. A sigh of relief left his too dry lips. His clothes were clinging to his body, drenched in salty sweat. His thoughts were racing, none of them made any sense. He could feel his too fast pulse in his temples, could hear his own heart beating too quickly in his chest. He tried to catch his breath, that was totally out of control. It felt like he was drowning. ' _Breath in, breath out_ ' he told himself. _Everything would be alright. Breath in and breath out._

After a few seconds, time was flowing at a slower pace again and Madara stood up. His legs felt like glass, fragile, just a moment away of shattering. He tried to distance himself from everything inside of his head, to look from a different perspective, to analyse the situation. _Just another one of those dreams_ , he thought. Those kind always felt so real. They were an unpleasent jump back in time, an entanglement of past events. Those memories reduced him to a mental mess, everytime they came back to haunt him in his sleep. A prison of his failures just for him, created in his very own mind.

Madara let out a small chuckle. It was the only way he knew, how to deal with this confusion.

This nighmare had a particularly bad effect in him. Even his chakra flow was uneven. He wrinkled his nose. A little bit of his scent had managed to leak out, to break through his chakra barriers. He closed his eyes and grinded his teeth together to breath through his nose. His thoughts were beginning to make sense again.

 _How bothersome._ There was no time for this embarrasment. He needed to go to the clan summit. _Just breath in and breath out_. Next he left the room without looking back.

He washed himself, changed his messed up sleeping clothes. He put on a dark purple robe with long sleeves and a high collar to hide as much skin as possible. The fabric was thin. He wasn't ashamed of his physique, far from it actually. Due to his excessive training he was very muscular and lean. He was proud, how unomegan he looked. He relished in his multiple scars of past battles, that would hopefully bruise his skin forever, tarnish the infamous porcellan skin of omegas, poets sung about. Nothing of his appearance was cute and round and Madara wanted it to stay that way.

Some shameless part of him wanted to take it one step further, to scream at the world to look at him, wanted everyone to see these rough scars, these defined muscles even alphas would be jealous of. But that was just nonsensical and risky. So he always chose to wear as much fabric as possible, especially when he expected to meet other people. The possibility, that they would come too close to his scent glands on his wrist or neck, was never zero. He knew, that there was technically no way for his scent to find its way to their noses, when he had full control over his chakra, but he still wanted to be safe. Just one single little slip up and everything would be ruined. He would be exposed and his authority as the leader of his clan would be questioned, if not worse.

He took his time to feed his two nameless falcons. They eyed him judgementally. Maybe they knew something was off about Madara being up this early. Maybe they just wanted to be left alone, because they were still mad at him for the fiery shock last evening. Madara couldn't look inside their heads to find out the answer. Shortly after finishing this task, he left the house as fast as he could.

It was a rather misty morning. The air was calm, yet full of anticipation. It would rain today. A welcomed change from the summer hotness of the past week, Madara thought. Not many people were on the street. It was too early for many of them. Madara knew he could have slept a little longer, if he had wanted, but his nightmare hadn't given him a choice in this matter. If he had stayed one minute longer, his head would surely have exploded due to his awful scent.

The gray weather suited his mood well. He would have felt derided, if this day was just as bright as the days before after his horrible experiences last evening and night. Nature seemed to have mercy this time and didn't try to mock his moroseness with contrasting positivity. It was calming his already on edge nerves.

Madara was the first to arrive at the Naka shrine. It had a historic atmosphere around it, even though it had been built just a couple of months ago. It was the exact replica of the shrine at the old compound of independent days. _Even the secret meeting room with the stone tablet, that has been moved there, was the same._

Madara remembered the first time he had been allowed to join his father to a secret conference. As a seven year old boy he had felt so proud. He felt the some of the childish awe to this day, whenever he was in any shrine of the Uchiha. He went inside, took his place on the mat, that was for him, and tried to think about those easier times. Unfortunately, the three elders arrived after a while and disturbed him in his thoughts. Their perplexed looks told him, that they didn't expect Madara to be already there. One of them made her way quickly towards him and Madara prepared himself for the worst.

"You look tired, Madara," Chizue Uchiha, the youngest of the elders, remarked in a sweet, yet raspy voice. "You need to sleep more, my child." She always tried too hard. Madara wasn't fooled by her motherly act or how her weak scent tried to get under his skin to make his senses numb.

She might look like a friendly grandmother with her thin hair, gray strands, tiny dimples and a square of a face. Her status as a beta only supported this harmless impression, but in reality she was a wolf in sheep's clothing. A snake just waiting to bite and poison her unassuming victim.

"I'm sure my lovely Hikaku would love to help you with your tasks more often, if it is too much for you." She coaxed with a vitriolic giggle.

"Thank you for the offer, Lady Chizue, but I have to decline. Your son already has a lot work to do as second in command. And I think I'm quite capable to handle the rest of _my_ duties _myself_." Madara spit back with more hostility in his voice than needed to get his message across. He couldn't play along to this game of chess this early in the day, not after this dream. Her friendly expression changed slowly, subtly. Her face muscles became tense and her chin was held a little higher than before, as if she wanted to look down on him. He had sparked her fury. Her thin eyes turned cold, calculating. She changed her tactics everytime, he didn't respond to her friendly facade the way she wanted.

"You know exactly, why you're not, Madara." He never liked the way she said his name. He didn't like the implications of her statement either. The unspoken ' _Know your place_ ' filled the air with electric tension and made the young leader sick in the stomach region. What Madara wouldn't give to take that nasty head of her shoulders. The elder snapped back into her overly innocent persona, realizing more Uchiha made their way inside the shrine for the meeting.

"Just tell me, when you need support, darling. It is hard for your kind to carry such a large responsibility alone."

For your kind. That phrase was filled with arsen. Madara could hear pity and disgust at the same time. He sadly knew, she wasn't talking about his age, like an outsider might have thought. She truly understood, how to rile someone up. He formed fists behind his back so no one could see them. If Madara didn't knew any self-restraint he would have attacked that old beta right here in front of everyone without any regrets.

Chizue turned around and walked towards the other elders she had walked in with. Habiki Uchiha, the oldest and grumpiest of the three by far, acknowleged her with a single but respectul nod. His hair was white and his round eyes had already lost their sight. His ears and sensory abilities worked the better. His back was bend forward, only the crutch was holding him on his two feet.

He was the elder Madara could tolerate the most. The alpha was certainly against everything he had ever brought forward, but Habiki already had those heated, sometimes even disrespectful discussions with his father Tajima in the past, so Madara could tell himself, it wasn't entirely because of him.

On the other hand, the last elder Tadashi Uchiha lost no time to talk to the female beta again. If Chizue was a snake, this large alpha with a long, pointed face and straw-like gray hair was a basilisc. Madara knew to avoid this man, if he wanted to keep his position as long as he could, because he was certain they would get on the other's thoat again. Without a single doubt he would win against him, but the consequences of attacking or killing a highly respected clan elder would cost him all he had ever worked for.

Madara understood, what he was to all of them. In the eyes of the three he was just an illusioned omega in the wrong postion with too much power at his disposal. Lately, they didn't even hide their disapproval for him from anyone. Chizue's vague comment was just one of many. It was literally a miracle, that no other clan member had found out about his second gender.

On the morning after his presentation, his father ordered his now omegan son to stay silent about this shameful revelation, teached him, how to block the chakra flow to the glands to block his traitorous scent. Madara knew, he wanted to wait for Izuna's presentation, before making a hasty choice, he couldn't take back.

Of course, there were rumors about him being a late bloomer, but Madara proved himself again and again in combat, so no one really minded his scentless existence after a while. He was no less talented than before, still keeping up with the best shinobi the Uchiha had to offer, making the difference in battles his clan would have lost otherwise. It wouldn't have been wise to chain him down in the middle of war and his father had realized that.

Things took a drastic turn, when he finally awakaned his sharingan. His father couldn't ignore his capabilities as a leader any longer. With his new eyes he was the strongest shinobi of his clan and little Izuna just presented as a beta. Not an alpha like his father had hoped. He had to make a choice for the future of his clan.

Finally, he proclaimed Madara as his successor, but under one condition. He had to fully follow the guidance of the elders. He, young and naive as he was, agreed without a second thought, just wanting to escape the horrors of being forced to live as an omega. He hadn't really thought about all the problems those old people could bring him later on.

His father told them about their secret. It was the proof, that he didn't trust in his son's capabilities completely. He still believed Madara was fragile and weak in his core, after everything his omegan son had done. At first they were shocked about this revelation, absolutely against the idea of an omega as the clan leader, but they also couldn't ignore the circumstance of war and the prodigee qualities of the famous Madara Uchiha despite his second gender. The only choice they had was to accept him. It was a dead end.

From that point on, he told everyone he was a beta. No one really questioned him. He couldn't be a omega after all. It was impossible for one of them to fight like Madara could.

After his father had died, Madara became the leader only at the tender age of sixteen, but only after Konoha's founding the elders became bold enough to critizise him so openly. He was a helpful weapon of destruction during war, but now they wanted him to step away from his more diplomatic position. If things went their way, an alpha like Hikaku would already be the leader, but honestly Madara was too ambitious to let that happen. He strongly believed, he was were he was meant to be and the Uchiha, who didn't know the truth, still respected and supported him.

He had made a promise. He would lead the Uchiha to a grand future.

Now the Naka shrine was filled to the brim with the alphas and betas of the Uchiha clan. Everyone was seated on there designated place and the clan meeting was about to begin.

Madara started the conference and every shinobi in the room became quiet, listening to his calm and fierce voice. He quickly finished his welcoming speech and announced the next speaker.

Hikaku stood up. The alpha took a deep breath, then started his report.

"All in all, the situation has calmed down. There have been no violent border passings, not as many refugees have crossed them as before. That probably means, the turmoils in the other four nations have calmed down. We assume the founding of other hidden villages is in his last phase. The only noticable rise of tensions can be found to the east."

Murmuring started between the shinobi in the room.

"According to our information, the newly formed village hidden in the mist in the land of water has a growing dispute with the hidden reddy village in the small land of whirlpools. We still don't know the reason behind this conflict, but we think we have to keep an eye on it. The chance is high, that it will turn violent soon. We can't ignore the possibility, that the Uzumaki clan might contact Konoha for assistence."

The murmuring immediately became shouting. The scents turned stinging and angry. The Uchihan shinobi despised the idea that this clan might seek help from the leaf village due to their well known connection to the Senju. A few decades ago, they helped their relatives against the ongoing fight with the Uchiha, before they retreating and leaving the conflict due to internal struggels. There were rumors, that they had created a sealing jutsu so powerful, that they could block the Uchihan sharingan. To help them, would go against the whole Uchiha clan.

"Silence!" Madara ordered with absolute authority. Everyone became as quiet as before, surprised by his action. Normally, he never liked to interrupt the discussions. Many dark eyes full of high expectations turned to Madara.

"You all forget one important thing," The leader reasoned to calm the shinobi. He could feel the pressure in the room. Only raindrops could be heard from the outside. It had started to rain.

"The Senju clan isn't independent anymore. Their blood relations to the Uzumaki are very distant. Therefore, there are no Uzumaki, that are officially connected to Konoha as a resident. To help a foreign clan in a different country would require the approval of all four noble clans and I, as the Uchihan head, would never approve to such an action!"

The scent of relief touched his nose. Eyes became more relaxed. Many shinobi let a grin slip on their faces. Madara wanted to do that as well. That went better than expected, but he remained stoic and collected, smiling on the inside.

Hikaku finished his long report after Madara's little interruption. The rest of it wasn't that interesting in Madara's eyes. The alphas and betas remained silent while listening, but there was still some pressure inside the shrine. Just one controversial topic and the fire would ignite again.

Naori Uchiha, the manager of inner affairs stood up. The female alpha started without hesitation.

Madara didn't listen that closely. He often talked with Naori privately, so he already knew, how the relationships with the other clans of Konoha had improved, which new ones were planning on joining and all of that. He counted the minutes for her to finish. The other shinobi listened closely. Madara began to think this could be a tolerable summit for once. It felt like half of eternity.

"And there is one last thing I have to mention," she said, turning even more serious than before. "A few already know about this, but eveyone should be informed. Yesterday, there has been a new... incident. Kagami Uchiha, son of Taree Uchiha, was the latest victim."

Everyone knew, what she meant by that. There it was. The atmosphere turned negative again and everyone was agitated. Another one of _those_ arguments started and Madara just closed his eyes and shook his head. He understood their anger, he felt it himself, but the way everyone was screaming at each other again wouldn't solve anything.

"That's it! We should leave this godforsaken village!"

"We are clearly not respected! They attack our youngest. This means war!"

"We cannot leave Konoha. We would stand totally alone against at least a dozen of other clans, you imbecile!"

It went back and forth between different groups in the room. Madara was only understanding half of everything yelled into the void, because everyone tried to be louder than the person before, as if being the loudest would mean you were right. Madara scrapped the notion of this being a tolerable meeting. He wanted to intervene like before, but someone was faster than him.

The elder Tadashi Uchiha stood up. His alpha smell was suddenly so potent, it silenced everyone around him. His deep voice echoed through the shrine.

"I want to make a proposition!" Madara didn't like the sound of that. A foul taste spread out in his mouth and made him sick again. Tadashi had that effect on him.

"I think we should make our anger clear," he smiled smugly, looked at the faces of the angered Uchiha and then continued on.

"In my opinion, the Uchiha clan should leave the village like all of you demand. No Uchiha being forced on missions with other shinobi, no Uchiha being used like a tool because of our kekkei genkai." Madara could hear a few people applauding his statement. The others, who didn't agree, didn't dare to speak out against the elder.

"No Uchiha at this hypocritic festival. Not a single one of us will be attending it! They will soon realize, what they lost! We are strong enough on our own! Don't you agree, our dear leader Madara?" He turned to him, smiling haughty.

It wasn't a real question. Madara knew, he was supposed to simply agree. As a leader, he should listen to the wise elder. As an omega, he should submissivly follow an alpha's command. He hated, how Tadashi wanted to secretly use this dynamic against him in front of everyone, to belittle him because of this. He wanted to spit in his confident face and drag it through the mud.

Still, he felt conflicted about this matter. Leaving the village would certainly doom his clan. They would be targeted for their sharingan. In times of alliances a single clan couldn't keep up. The elders and many more in this room were simply too blind and arrogant to realize this. But staying in Konoha would eat them up from the inside. What had he gotten into? What would Hashirama tell him to do?

"Excuse me. I want to say something," a female voice reached his ears. Taree Uchiha stood up from the last row, looking between Madara and Tadashi. Everyone's head turned towards her.

"I might be the only one in this room, but I think we shouldn't do something stupid like leaving Konoha." Did she just call Tadashi's proposition stupid? Madara wanted to laugh about this obvious irreverence. His respect for her grew immensly. It might have been foolish, but it was brave as well. He gave her the permission to continue with a simple hand movement.

"Kagami is my son and I would lie, if I said, that this terrible incident didn't affect me. It hurt. It made me so angry to hear about it. I want some form of justice for sure, but do you all know, what would hurt even more?" She looked around, making dramatic pause to give her following sentence more weight.

"To take the festival away my son is still excited about he wouldn't stop talking about it. To take him from his home and throw him into a world, where he will be another child of war like my generation was.." she stopped, too emotional too speak.

"It may be for selfish reasons, but I think we should stay here." She finished after a long sigh. The people around her obviously didn't know, how to react. Should they support her? Should they laugh at her? They were curious, how things would unforld. Madara wondered, where he heard this kind of mentality before. Then he realized.

At the same time, all the elders were stunned for a moment. Tadashi's face was surprisingly emotionless, it was showing only a vague form of disapproval.

"Thank you, Taree, for your personal perspective on the situation." Madara said slowly. Maybe this was foolish as well, but he had made up his mind. His voice was as even as possible for the following.

"The Uchiha clan will not leave this village. We won't run away, but come out of it stronger than before. And regarding the festival, I won't force anyone to go it." Now there was no going back, but Madara wasn't the type of man to back down anyway.

"To leave the village would put us in a huge disadvantage. No federal lord would hire a single clan anymore. Times have changed. Everyone has to realize that, so we don't do something stupid."

Now Madara smiled smugly as well. It felt so good to go against those old three, especially Tdashi. Fortunately, there wasn't a wave of deprecation he was confronted with. Most shinobi accepted his order. Maybe they had realized the consequences, too. Had he done the right thing, Madara asked himself.

He ended the meeting afterwards. The Uchiha left the room except for Madara himself and the elders. They weren't pleased, to say at least. If stares could kill, all four of them would have been dead a long time ago. Surprisingly, no one said anything. Somehow, there was more tension in the room than during the discussions.

To Madara's surprise, Tadashi bursted out laughing.

"Is it so pleasing to doom your clan forever, omega!" He yelled, giving an amused tone to it. Luckily, no could but the four of them hear them right now.

"Don't you dare call me like that!" Madara spit back, showing his teeth in his boiling emotions. His mangekyo sharingan flared up. He couldn't keep it in any longer. He was done playing nice. Even he, Madara Uchiha, had his limits of patience.

Habiki and Chizue flinched at last. It felt like a huge accomplishment, but Tadashi just looked at him for a moment, unimpressed by his explosive burst of anger. Any other would shake in fear, beg for mercy, run for his dear life, if nothing else had worked. It was Madara Uchiha, they managed to provoke after all, but this alpha knew, his position and knowledge made him near invinsible for his opposite. He probably thought, it was a funny thing to watch him be riled up like this.

"You should think, before you act up next time, omega. Who knows the consequences of opposing an elder?" It was a threat. Tadashi was threatening him, but what should Madara do about it? He couldn't give an answer, clearly trapped in the situation. If only...

Without saying anything else Tadashi Uchiha left the Naka shrine, followed by the other two elders. Chizue gave him one last arrogant smirk, before leaving Madara totally alone.

Why did the world have to be like this? Why was he just a lowly omega, that they could look down upon? Madara hated it so very much, he hated them, he hated his omegan self.

The door opened again and Madara saw Hikaku enter the shrine again. What could he want now? If Madara had to describe the older alpha with one word, it would have been... nice. He didn't know, how a witch like Chizue could have a child like this. Maybe it was just an act as well and the mask wasn't cracked just yet. He was respected by many clan members, so it was a given to make him the second in command after Izuna's death, but that didn't mean, Madara had to like him.

He didn't have an aggressive aura like many alphas liked to put up, but Madara always felt threatened by his mere presence. No, rather the implications of his existence. Hikaku had something, the Uchihan leader could never have. Luckily, he managed outer affairs and therefore was often outside of the village. In the deepest corner of his mind Madara always knew his position would most likely go to this alpha, if anything of the truth came out. He had leadership potential, like Chizue liked to remind him. It wasn't a lie per se.

Hikaku approached him, looked like he wanted to discuss something with him. Madara just wanted to get out of here. He had been sitting and talking for far too long. Maybe he really wasn't made for this.

He apologized to Hikaku and left the alpha standing in the shrine. Hikaku just gave an understanding smile. Madara despised all of it.

The rain had seized, but the sky was still gray. Little puddles had formed on the sandy ground. The meeting had taken longer than expected and Madara walked past a few groups of people, hurried to one of his favourite spots in all of Konoha. His secret personal training ground.

It wasn't an official training area, those always were too crowded for his liking, but a large clearing between old trees in the untouched parts within Konoha's walls behind the Uchihan compound.

The grass beneathe him was wet, but he wasn't bothered by it. He had trained under much worse conditions in his past. He started with simple Taijutsu, a few simple kicks and punches to get his muscles warm. He could get free from the shackles laying on his mind all day. Then he started with Ninjutsu of different elements. He trained for a few hours, before someone barged in and disturbed the quietness, that had surrounded him.

"Madara! There you are!" He recognized that voice immediatelly. The Uchiha turned around and spotted Hashirama running his way through the trees. His white hokage robe was a little too long, so its rims were soaked. He didn't wear his head, his hair was also a little wet.

"Hashirama?" Madara wasn't sure, whether he wanted to meet the Senju again. The event of last evening still was the forefront of his mind. The way Hashirama's scent called out to his omegan brain was unbelievable. The alpha was his friend, nothing more and nothing less. That was, what Madara told himself at least.

"How did you find me?" Madara wanted to know. Had Hashirama nothing to do? Maybe finding him, while he wanted to be alone, was a new hobby of his.

"I met Hikaku a half an hour ago and he said you wanted to do some work. You always use this excuse to train here," Hashirama answered, a little proud smirk on his lips. Madara could only sigh at this answer. Was he that predictable or did Hashirama know him just that well?

"I've been looking for you, because I wanted to talk to you. Yesterday, you seemed a little...," Hashirama stopped midsentence, as if he didn't know the right word to describe someone, who isolated himself as much as he could on top of a huge cliff without hurting the other's huge pride and unpredictable feelings.

Madara understood Hashirama's concern nonetheless.

"There is nothing to worry about," he sighed to assure both of them. "The clan meeting was a little exhausting."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

What was Hashirama trying to achieve with this? Didn't he trust him to handle his duties as well? Did he think he was too weak? Did he find out the truth about him being an omega?

No, that didn't make any sense. His thoughts were just going down a dark spiral of distrust again. If someone was on his side, it was Hashirama. He would have commited suicide at his command. He would never want to belittle him. There was no way, he found out the truth about his gender. He was just worried about something regarding Madara. Only the question of ' _why_ ' remained in Madara's head, but he couldn't find an answer to it.

"You don't have to, Hashirama. And you know that." Before the hokage could form any words of opposition, Madara made a different offer, openly laughing for the first time that day.

"You could train with me, if you want to spend time with me so badly," he teased, but the mean undertone went unnoticed by the Senju's ears. He instantaneoulsy nodded, excited to train with Madara after such a long time. Hashirama got rid of his robe, throwing it to the ground. He wore light brown pants and a white shirt underneath, as if he had planned this turn of events.

Madara was excited as well. The adrenalin rushed through his whole system. He loved to train with Hashirama like in old days. It still had this special place in his heart.

They started with Taijutsu again, no weapons allowed. The techniques were simple in the beginning, but their movement got faster and faster over time. Sweat formed on both on their forheads.

Madara kicked with his right leg at the Senjus's face, but was blocked by Hashirama's left arm. His knee was grapped tightly with Hashirama's right hand, planning to throw the Uchiha to the ground.

Madara's reflexes kicked in. He used Hashirama's grip to jump with his other leg over the Senju. Hashirama had to let go to not get thrown off balance by the velocity. Immediately, Madara followed up with a punches from behind.

His opponent quickly turned around to dodge them gracefully. He ducked under Madara's right arm and tried to grap him from behind in a choke hold. The Uchiha activated his sharingan instinctivly to escape Hashirama's grip. He spinned around, now using his left leg for a heavy blow. He met Hashirama's feet and put all his might to make him fall.

It worked. Unfortunately, Hashirama had managed to grasp his long purple sleeves. Therefore, Madara could do nothing, but follow Hashirama to the ground.

They lay next to eachother for a few minutes. No one tried to get up. Little drops of rain started to fall again. One fell directly onto Madara’s nose. Both of them weren't bothered by it.

“I have clearly won that,“ Madara anounced. “ You went to the ground first.“

"But you cheated and used your sharingan. Otherwise, you would have clearly went to the ground the instant I got behind you!" Hashirama countered stubbornly.

Just like old times. Both started to laugh at the absurdity of this argument. Another tie it was then.

Hashirama got up and stretched out his hand to help Madara. But when he was standing, he didn't let go of it.

"Will you talk to me now?" He asked with a quiet voice, looking into the Uchiha's dark pupils. Madara noticed just now, how beautiful Hashirama's eyes were. He looked away. Maybe it was just the rain pouring down at the side of the alpha's face, which made them shimmer so warmly in contrast.

The similarities to yesterday made Madara uncomfortable. He pulled his hand away, let out a long breath, he hadn't noticed he was holding.

"Maybe tomorrow, Hashirama." That was all the Uchiha was willing to give at this moment. The hokage didn't give an answer outright, which made Madara even more anxious.

"That sounds great," Hashirama reassured eventually. Why was he still smiling, after being so openly rejected again? Madara didn't understand him, didn't deserve him. He was a horrible socalled friend.

"That reminds me, it has been so long since I was at your place." Hashirama remarked excitedly. That wasn't unusual. Madara didn't invite people over. Even Hashirama. The Senju just stood in front of his house from time to time in the past, sometimes in the middle of the night, if anything was on his mind and he needed to talk. Madara hadn't send him away, because he wasn't that heartless. At least towards Hashirama.

"Can I come over tomorrow?" Hashirama asked puppylike, huge eyes begging.

"Yeah...," Madara mumbled, rather confused than totally opposed by the idea. Something was definitely off about Hashirama.

The rain was getting stronger, so they decided to leave the clearing. They searched for rescue under one of the trees near the Uchihan compound. The noise of raindrops falling on stones reminded Madara of the meeting this morning and a single question, that still lingered in his mind. A question only Hashirama would know the answer to, but he fought again with the words.

But they remained silent and waited for the rain to die down.

"I have to work on some documents in my office or else Tobirama is going to kill me." Hashirama joked, but implying he had to leave Madara now. He turned towards the road, that would be the fastest to get to the hokage tower. Normally, Tobirama's name would make the Uchiha cringe, but his head was elsewhere.

"Hashirama, I have this question I have to ask you," Madara rambled, stopping the Senjuin his tracks. This was his chance.

"You can ask me anything, Madara!"

"Has the Uzumaki clan seeked an alliance with Konoha? Have they contacted you already?" Madara needed to know. This morning, he had assured his clan, Konoha would be their savest option to stay. With the Uzumaki, that wouldn't be the case anymore. Now he needed reassurance himself, that he hadn't made a huge mistake.

"Where did you get that idea from?"

"Just answer my question."

Hashirama spoke again after five seconds. Madara was so tense, he had counted.

"No, they haven't." Hashirama smiled. Madara was filled with immediate relief. He didn't know, what he would have done, had the answer been different.

Hashirama turned around to walk away. His smile faded. Unbeknownst to Madara, he had just done something, he never thought he was capable of anymore.

He had lied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm... sorry for keeping all of you waiting for so long for the next chapter. I really struggled writing this one and still I am not 100% happy, how it turned out. I promise, I tried my best :')
> 
> I hope you like a little bit anyway. :)
> 
> Virtual hugs and cookies for comments and feedback <3
> 
> PS: During my struggle I wrote a Hashimada oneshot called 'Blood-red eyes'. It is a colourblind soulmate AU with a little Uchihan twist. Check it out, if you want ;D


	5. Reasons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small edit: They want to celebrate Konoha's second year anniversary at the festival, not the first.

He was such an idiot. After a sleepless night, Hashirama ruffled up his hair with his right hand and let his eyes wander around the long scroll Tobirama had brought him a few days ago again. He read a certain paragraph again and again.

_Like tradition demands of us_

_I propose a marriage of Senju Hashirama and my sister Mito Uzumaki_

_to reaffirm our long lost bond._

Unfortunately, he came to the same conclusion as before. He was still an idiot. He should have told Madara yesterday. That would have been the right thing. He should have definetely told Madara about the Uzumaki clan and their letter, he already held in his damned hands.

Everything had been fine. After training together, feeling the much needed adrenalin rush, Madara was finally opening up to him a little bit, even allowing him to visit him this day. That was a sign of trust, wasn't it? Then this weirdly specific question came out of the blue. Madara had looked so stern, serious as if his whole life depended on the answer. In hindsight, Hashirama had this inconvenient feeling it had never been more important for him to stick with his principles, but of course he had to screw everything up.

Suddenly, Hashirama's mind had been a blank slate. His ears were ringing, cold panic made his legs freeze in place. He had felt like a child again, somehow helpless, powerless, scared of something, he couldn't even fathom. It has been a long time, since he had felt like this.

He had lied a lot to his father. He had eventually accepted, they would never come to an agreement on certain topics. He had lied about his whereabouts, his thoughts, how he would definetely defeat the demon Madara Uchiha in the next instance they clashed on the battlefield. He wasn't sure, whether he was proud of it now, but he had become pretty good at it.

Everytime he had panicked on the inside, his body had reacted the only way it knew. He smiled, told the other, what they probably wanted to hear to avoid conflict and -in his father's case- another beating. Unfortunately, lies never travel that far and the truth eventually came out. Lying wouldn't avoid the conflict, it would just postpone the date of the reveal. He had learned that more than once.

So he wasn't entirely sure, why his whole body was so reluctant on telling his best friend the propostion, that had already reached him. He should know better, but yesterday some unknown reason had been there to hold him back. Just as he was reluctant to act on this letter.

He wanted to scream at this piece of paper, to tear it apart, until the letters become unreadable. It was the cause, that his very own mind became a battlefield the more often he read it. He didn't know, what he was supposed to do. No, that wasn't exactly the truth. He knew very well he was supposed to accept the marriage in the eyes of those, who knew of this scroll beside him.

' _The Senju elders have already approved_ ' his brother's voice echoed in his head.

Marriage was a common way to form alliances with other clans. The Senju and Uzumaki had often renewed their bond this way in the past. An omega of the Uzumaki would be sent into the fire nation to marry the head of the Senju clan. An oath of protection was a central objective of those old alliances, that had lasted many years.

But the assertive Senju eventually got too demanding. They wanted more and more resources, dowries than before and the Uzumaki cancelled the next marriage in the dispute. Their century old relationship lay in ruins for a few decades because of it.

Why would they seek a renewal now? They had been proud to not be reliant on the dread only the name of the Senju could induce in every corner of the world. He had been told about the rising tensions to the east, but was the situation that concerning for them, that they would come back to them, begging on their knees?

As he had been laying awake last night, he had thought about the reason behind his strange gut feeling, this odd resistance, that had formed within him.

A few years ago, he probably would have accepted this offer without batting an eye, rushing to the frontlines to protect those distant relatives, he didn't even know, because that was, what he always had done. Fighting, killing to protect those, that are dependend on him, but just in a two years things had changed a lot. This marriage wouldn't just renew an old alliance with the Senju clan, but form a new one with the whole of the hidden leaf village. He was not just the leader of his clan anymore, but the hokage, a representative of many.

Konoha was supposed to bring shinobi together for a peaceful future, to show a new way. He couldn't singlehandedly entangle all of them into a certain war on the other side of the continent, could he? But what if the Uzumaki really needed help? Hashirama felt so torn, thoughts going back and forth, always a new question to bother him, making him even more unsatisfied with the situation than before. He felt like he would lose no matter his decision.

He should tell Madara about the marriage, Hashirama decided. Together they could find a way out of this mess, right?

He made himself look presentable. Straightened his ruffled up hair, decided to wear a green robe and left the hokage residency. He pushed all those bothering questions off the forefront of his mind. He would think about those things later, because he had another problem he needed to care about.

Hashirama had told his brother, he wouldn't be in his office today. He was still utterly disturbed, how little Kagami Uchiha had been bullied by those three students. He always wanted to make a peaceful world especially for those children, where they wouldn't have to lose siblings, parents, friends. He never had this luxury. How could they turn against each other now?

He had promised Taree to act, to support them. Therefore, he wanted to talk to the teacher to find a solution. So he decided to visit the academy himself. He wanted to finish this, before the festival started in two days time. No bad blood should ruin such a beautiful celebration.

After walking for a few minutes, there was now one of the many buildings belonging to the academy in front of him. The main building was planned at the base of the Konoha mountain, connected to the Hokage tower itself, but it was still under construction. Therefore, many already finished, but smaller buildings were used temporarely.

Tobirama was actually the first to come up with the concept of a ninja school shortly after Konoha's founding, but Hashirama had felt a little unsure about this idea for a while. Why would they need so many shinobi after the era of warring states had ended? Sadly, he soon found out why. The joy he had felt as he had been informed other hidden villages had been created in other nations. The terror, that hit him as he heard about the accompanying militarisation within them.

It was better to train children in a safe environment than to be underprepared, if things turned for the worse. With lines like this he tried to justify his action to himself as he allowed his brother to found the first ninja academy.

But after a few weeks, he began to see the good side of this system. Children of every clan learned together, played together, even forming friendships. Once he had asked a student, why she wanted to become a kunoichi. 'Because I want to protect our home!' That answer had melted his heart and he understood the great opportunity this academy good bring.

Now he had seen one of the downsides and he needed to fix it somehow.

He walked through the main entrance. It was one of the smaller houses, only having a few suitable rooms for teaching, but it was near the training ground. Class would begin later, but he knew the teachers had to be there already, preparing the lessons for today or having open consulations. Therefore, the hallway was mostly empty and Hashirama thought, no student would cross his way.

His thoughts proved to be false, when he heard the sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. Someone was running in his direction. Someone, whose steps were quick and light. Around the next corner came a little boy, about half the size of him. Hashirama swore he had seen this child somewhere before, but he couldn't really tell where.

The boy freezed in place as he saw Hashirama in front of him. He had brown hair with short spikes, that were all over the place. He had a patch on his forhead above his left eye and a few other scratches across his face. Hashirama knew instantly, this kid liked to get into trouble.

Then the expression of the boy turned from a suprised shock to anger at the man in front of him. His eyes focused on Hashirama and his stance became tense and defensive.

"Hashirama Senju, I challenge you to a duel!" His voice squeaked, as he jumped forward in order to attack without furtherado. This kid wasn't joking around. Hashirama only had a second to react, normally more than enough for a man of his caliber, but he was too stunned by the absurdity of this little child attacking him.

He felt the impact of the punch in his stomach, but it wasn't strong enough to seriously damage anything even without Hashirama wearing his battle armour. At least, it got him out of his state of shock. The boy hissed and continued his assault on the much stronger man with kicking his legs. Hashirama played along a little bit, dodged and blocked for a few seconds. He had to admit, the execution of those moves was nearly flawless, but it lacked the physical strength.

Now the Senju had enough. He easily grapped the collar of the dark jacket the boy wore and lifted him a little bit into the air. He looked angrily at the Hokage and began to struggle with his arms and legs.

"Let me go, you coward. This isn't fair!" The boy yelled, as he tried to get out of the grasp.

"If you tell me, why you attacked me, I might let you down." Hashirama proposed with an innocent smile. Sometimes he liked to play a little bit dirty. The boy stopped his flailing and looked at him sceptically.

"You promise? You have to promise!"

"Okay. I promise."

The boy eyed at him for a little bit longer, as if he didn't know, whether he could really trust those easily said words. But then he looked at him full of convidence as he spoke proudly.

"If I beat you, they have to let me become a shinobi! Now let me down and fight me properly!"

Before Hashirama could say anything further, he noticed something about this boy, he honestly hadn't expected. It was his scent. It was weak, barely there. A sign, that he had presented not too long ago. Underneath all of his interwoven emotions of contempt, frustration and determination, one thing stayed the same. The underlaying fragrance of an omega.

Hashirama let the boy down, whose brown eyes still were as aggressive as before, just as two other people came running around the corner. One of them was Osamu, the teacher Hashirama wanted to talk to. The other person made him finally realize, where he had seen this child before.

"Hiruzen, you can't just run of like tha-Oh!" The other stopped himself from rising his voice any further, when he saw Hashirama in front of him. He bowed down respectfully.

"Good morning, Lord Hokage, It's a pleasure meeting you. I hope my son didn't cause you any trouble," he laughed nervously and looked with concern between Hiruzen and Hashirama. Osamu also greeted him.

"Not really, Hitomu! I actually just wanted to talk with you, Osamu" Hashirama answered, intentionally deciding not to mention Hiruzen's attack on him. The boy hadn't done any real harm and he had the feeling, he already was in enough trouble. Hiruzen on the other hand seemed to notice this, but didn't comment to correct it.

Hitomu was a male omega and the mate of Sasuke Sarutobi, head of the Sarutobi clan, which had been one of the first to ally themselves with Konoha alongside the Shimura clan. He had met him and their son Hiruzen during the long negotiations. He had noticed even back then, how Hitomu's flowing brown hair fell onto his small shoulders and framed his well-proportioned face with large brown eyes and small nose. He always had their son by his side, holding hands. The son, that apparently had presented as an omega as well.

"Then we don't want to further delay your plans, Lord Hokage! And thank you for taking your time, Osamu" Hitomu bowed down again. This time was quicker than before. Hashirama could tell, he was agitated somehow, even though his lips were still showing that perfect smile.

"Hiru, let's go ho-"

"I don't want to! I want to fight him!" The boy rudely interupted his parent and pointed at Hashirama.

"Don't talk such nonsense, Hiruzen. We're going home." Hitomu's voice stayed soft, but his shoulders tensed up a little.

"I hate you!" The boy suddenly screamed with all the power of his lungs as he turned around and run past Hashirama, through the door behind him. Hitomu looked to the ground and shook his head.

"Please forgive his behaviour! He is just a little confused and... overwhelmed with his situation."

Hashirama just gave an understanding nod. He didn't know how to respond to something like this. Honestly, he felt a little uncomfortable, but he wouldn't let that show. That would make everything even more awkward.

The omega apologized again and politely said his goodbyes to follow his runaway son. Hashirama looked after him as he gracefully walked down the hallway. He really resembled a traditional painting with a lot of common omegan characteristics. From the way he hold himself, to his openly displayed small neck, showing everyone the claiming bite. His slim body underneath thick, colourful fabric to hide most of the curves, except his growing belly, the sign of a joyful expectation for most.

Hashirama didn't know, how to feel about those depictions. Everytime he saw those, he thought of Kawarama. That his brother despised, how he was suddenly supposed to act differently, wear those suffocating clothes, that were too big at one place and too tight at the other. Did Hitomu want to dress that way or was it demanded of him? He seemed to be happy with his life, but could Hashirama really know that? Why was he thinking about those things anyway?

"You came to talk to me, Lord Hokage? Would you come back to the classroom with me?" Osuma broke in on his thoughts. Hashirama nodded and followed the beta in the other direction. Hiruzen's attack still lay in his mind. Maybe he was a little too curious, but there were some perks to be the hokage for once.

"Would you tell me the cause of this argument just now? Hiruzen seemed really upset." Hashirama asked the teacher as they reached the last door on the hallway and walked inside the room.

"He was one of my students, very talented and motivated. He had great potential!" Osamu began talking.

"But two days ago he presented as an omega and he doesn't want to accept, that had to be signed off. Today he wanted to ask for us to make an exception, but sadly it would be against the rules of the academy, if he attended my classes any longer." Osamu summarised.

"I see..." Hashirama mumbled, but couldn't ignore this bitter taste, that spread out on his tounge, that made him nauseous. It was the ugly question, why history could repeat itself so brazenly.

"So what do you want to talk about, Lord Hokage?" Osamu changed the subject, after Hashirama didn't make any further attempt to explain his desire to meet him.

"It's actually about one of your other student, Kagami Uchiha..." Hashirama described the incident, he had witnessed. He didn't let a single detail unsaid, described the other three students, made his absolute disdain clear. Osamu listened carefully and could identify those other students by their description.

To Hashirama's shock, he was informed, that this wasn't just an single incident.

"My collegues have told me similar stories regarding their Uchihan students, but none of them have described the delinquents. Our hands were tied. Noone knew, it was them"

 _Or no one wanted to know_ , Hashirama held himself back from making a cynical remark, that surpised even himselg. His mood had just turned from bad to worse.

"I won't tolerate this behaviour any longer" Hashirama said calmly. He hated this, hated, how his voice sounded grave and harsh, how his scent turned stifling for a second. This wasn't him. He didn't want to act like this, but he knew it was a necessitiy at this point. He had to protect those, that are dependend on him. Osamu gulped visibly.

"Of course, Lord hokage. I will immediatelly contact my collegues to discuss the next appropriate action. Then we will contact the student and their parents."

"That sounds acceptable for now."

Hashirama excused himself a short while afterwards and left the building on the same way, he had entered it. A few students were already in front of the building, laughing and talking in smaller groups. He had hoped the fresh air would lighten his heavy heart a little bit.

Unfortunately, he still felt terrible. He had gotten, what he wanted, but not on the way he would have preferred. His behaviour, his voice, his scent. All of it had been wrong, against everything he wanted to represent. As he began walking down the street, he thought about Hitomu and his son Hiruzen again, both male omegas.

During his younger years, he often heard, how alphas talked about the few rare omegas at the Senju compound. The filthy words they used could never even touch his lips. The image of his brother's corpse hold him back to closely associate with those kinds of people. It also made him avoid omegas, especially male ones. He was never sure, how to act around them. They made him nervous, as if he was tiptoeing around many shards of glass. Shards that would cut into him, would make him bleed out, while he suffocated on his feelings of guilt. He couldn't protect his brother. Kawarama had died because Hashirama hadn't been strong enough.

He had hoped the situation of omegas would improve with Konoha's founding. There were a few positive changes, that could be a small atonement, but it wasn't enough. The perception of omegas was slowly changing, but Hashirama didn't like, where it was going. From being a burden in war, another mouth to feed in times of little resources to be sought after, while stability formed. To be traded off like a mere luxurious good, something another person could own. It wasn't that bad in Konoha. Human trafficking was forbidden here since the beginning, but Hashirama knew the situation in the rest of the fire nation was maybe just as dire as before.

He realized reason number two, why he hesitated to respond to the proposal of the Uzumaki clan. Mito was definetely an omega as well. He had never met her, didn't know her thoughts about this arrangement and yet they should marry. One coud interpret this as a trade-in for Konoha's military aid. Wasn't this exactly, what he condemned?

Hashirama had never felt a strong attraction towards an omega before, not male or female. No female alpha or beta had caught his attention either. He always had other things on his mind, dreams he wanted to achieve, but he always wanted to marry out of love someday, as cheesy as that might sound. But now they wanted him to marry a person he didn't even know. Was he being selfish, if the dreamer inside of him didn't want to accept that?

This day went horrible so far. All those questions he had no answer to, confronted with injustice, he couldn't simply fix. Everything was so unnecessarilly complicated and might make him betray his own principles, if he wasn't careful enough. He stopped for a second, close his eyes took a deep breath. He shouldn't think like that. He should look at the positive sides, at the progress, that was being made in Konoha. He should stay positive.

Hashirama's next step already became more effortless, breathing wasn't as straining as before. With his work for today finished, he could visit his friend. Even though he remembered to tell Madara the truth about the Uzumaki, he didn't lose any precious time to get to the Uchiha compound. It happened yesterday, but It felt like an eternity since he had talked to his best friend.

A smile fell on his face without his notice as he knocked on the wooden door. He counted the seconds for Madara to open it while he tried to straighten his hair again. His heart skipped a beat, his stomach filled with a cozy warmth at the sight of his friend, that washed all the negativity of the day away. To stay positive was suddenly so easy.

Maybe there was another reason, why he hesitated to accept the engagement. A reason, that wasn't concerned with politics, wars or omegas at all, that wasn't concerned with the grand scheme of things. Something simple and entirely personal, that explained, why he kept quiet to Madara yesterday, why he panicked at the mere thought, he could drive the other away from him, why he never had eyes for a different person than the Uchiha.

Maybe Hashirama himself didn't even knew it yet, but it was the same reason, why the term 'best friend' couldn't fully describe and capture all of Hashirama's feelings for the Uchiha anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo... Here's the next chapter and it is from Hashirama's point of view. I wanted to flesh him and the world out a little bit more :D
> 
> Honestely, he was harder to write than I expected. I hope he isn't too out of character and the OCs aren't that bothering :'D
> 
> Whenever I have no energy left to write, I look at your nice comments and it gives me so much motivation. 
> 
> Hope all of you, that liked the story so far, enjoyed the chapter as well. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and leave a comment sharing your thoughts.
> 
> Until next time <3


	6. Cuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! Can you tell me how this little story got over 200 KUDOS? Because I can't XD.  
> Thank you so much for all of this support <3<3<3
> 
> Warning  
> This chapter contains:
> 
> \- depictions of blood  
> \- past animal death
> 
> (Both are not very grafic, but i just want to put it here)

He would never admit, that he was nervous. That would be a sign of weakness and Madara Uchiha never wanted to be associated with this word in any type or form. After his regular walk to the butcher to buy fresh meat for his falcons, he would have cleaned the floor and the windows early in the morning even without Hashirama's planned appearence this day. 

Even though household chores hold a very high place on his personal hate list, he hadn't overcome his own bias for these activities, just because of the Senju, that would soon be standing on his doorstep. Absolutely not, definetely not.

Madara wasn't that messy. He was actually very obsessive, where his small collection of belongings had to be placed around the rooms, he stepped into. It was one of the few benefits of living alone. Izuna always let his things scattered around their home. He remembered kunais sticking in the ceiling and shuriken in the walls. Izuna liked to throw them everywhere, when his young mind started to wander.

In addition, he never admitted doing that, until Madara triumphantly caught him in the middle of the act one day. Izuna had often teased him about his pettiness afterwards, while the older brother scolded him to look after his things more carefully. It had been a constant back and forth between them. 

Madara bit on his lower lip as he remembered the last time, they had playfull argued like that. Six days before Izuna was murdered. Just Six days. How much the older brother wished to have another meaningless argument now.

Nowadays, a small layer of dust fell on everything, after Madara hadn't touched anything inside for a few weeks, which made some parts of the house already seem abandoned. Some might say he was acting like a ghost in these walls, that were supposed to be his own.

Maybe some part of him hated this house more than he liked to admit, but Hashirama didn't have to get this impression today. He already knew the Senju was acting strange around him and he didn't need to add any form of pity into the mix. 

Madara shook his head. What was going on? Why would he agonise over other's opinions? Madara wanted to smash his forhead into the wall just to think straight again. It shouldn't matter, what Hashirama thought of him. He shouldn't seek his approval, because it was worthless in the end. His view of the world was naively flawed. Peace was nothing, but an idealistic fantasy, uncapable to maintain for any person on this earth. 

Human life was about loss. Every single one of them was losing something they had cared about in these constant wars for power. Let it be loved ones or arbitrary things like honour or empathy. Someone's loss is another one's gain. It was a circle, it would never stop, until someone put an end to it.

Madara knew all that and yet he wasn't willed to change that. He was sitting in this village, in this house, on this cleaned floor and just waiting to see the Senju, to talk to him. Hashirama would smile at him without any reason and the world around him would suddenly turn silent. Every conflict would be meaningless, just a little stain in an otherwise perfect place to be, nothing but an afterthought. Who was really the naive one then?

The urge got stronger to smash his head into the wood he could feel behind him, until blood started to paint the wall red, until the pain would be so overhelming, his brain would shut down and all of his thoughts would turn into the haze of the morning.

 _Breathe in, breathe out_. Madara opened his eyes and looked around. He hadn't even noticed he had closed them. Madara felt like he had forgotten to do something important, but he didn't know what.

He needed to distract himself somehow. There were surely a few places he had forgotten to clean up...

He went into his kitchen to look for a teapot, he knew had to be in one of those cupboards. Hashirama liked to drink tea and Madara wanted to try to be a good host at least. The only problem was, Madara wasn't good at making tea. It was laughable. Weren't omegas supposed to be good at this kind of housework?

A small wave of weird satisfaction flooded his stomach nonetheless as he finally found the object made out of dark porcelain in the back of the wooden compartment. It was heavier and colder than he remembered. I wasn't an heirloom or anything of sentimental value, but it made Madara pause for a second, his eyes captivated by the shimmering surface. His own image looked back at him. If the circumstances had been different...

The pleasent feeling from before vanished and hot bubbles formed in his chest, his muscles tensed and his hands pushed harder and harder into the opposite sides of the teapot.

**CRACK**

Suddenly, there was no resistance anymore. The porcelain gave in and the teapot bursted in his hands. Around twenty shards fell to Madara's feet with numb thuds. Madara let his arms fall to his side. He looked down. He smirked at this destruction he had caused. Glee shimmered in his eyes. It had felt good, nearly relieving.

His blood froze, when he heard a knock in his front door. He had waited for this sound the whole morning and yet it shocked him somehow. The sound was like a hammer, hitting his skull directly again and again. The vibration went through every limb, bringing him back to reality, where he had just destroyed his possession for no good reason.

The shards! He picked them up as fast as he could, threw them into the corner of the room without looking and ran towards the frontdoor, where he waited for a few seconds, catching his breath and bringin his thoughts in line.

Breathe in and breathe out. 

Madara slid the door to the side and was now face to face with him. He gulped, didn't say a single word, which was normal, but Hashirama also didn't. A pregnant pause, they looked eachother into the eyes. Madara became uncomfortable. Those warm eyes, this wide smile, this smooth hair, that was laying calmly on the Senju's shoulders. The green color of his clothes really complimented his skin tone. 

What was he thinking?

"You are late, Hashirama," Madara eventually mumbled as he looked at the blue sky behind the Senju. It was an obvious lie, but Madara couldn't think of any other sentence at that moment. Time moved slower, whenever Madara was alone inside his head. This morning had turned into a week.

"Really? Sorry for letting you wait, Madara." Hashirama apologized. 

Why was he doing that? Madara had just made that up, but Hashirama played along without any restraint holding him back. The Uchiha could only sigh. Didn't he have any pride to object to the wrong allegations? Madara often fought tooth and nail just to avoid admitting he had been in the wrong and Hashirama threw apologies around as if they weren't degrading and humiliating for a man of his renown.

"Sometimes you really confuse me." Madara let his thoughts out with a small laugh. Hashirama crooked his head to the left, his eyebrows were pushed together and some strands fell off from his shoulders due to the motion of the head.

"Did I do something wrong?" Hashirama asked him honestly. He really had no clue, what had irritated Madara. Why would he?

"Just forget it. Do you want to come in or are you just going to stand in front of my house for the rest of the day?" Madara turned around without closing the door, giving Hashirama the chance to follow him.

But just after a few steps, he stopped and hissed, as he felt a rising stinging pain on his left hand. The scent of iron filled the air, bitter, stinging and familiar for everyone, who had ever stood on a battlefield. Madara looked at his palm. Blood, a long cut was reaching across his hand. Crimson was slowly covering his pale skin of his palm, dripping onto the floor, he had just cleaned this day. 

Why.... the teapot, the shards!

"Madara, is that blood?" Hashirama ran in front of him and took Madara's left hand without any warning. Instinctively, Madara flinched, yanked his hand out of Hashirama's grip and gave his friend a death stare. The Senju responded with a sympethatic look, eyes round and soft, a small smile on his lips.

"Please let me look at it." Hashirama's voice was like a blanket, full of warmth and comfort as if he was talking to a frightened animal or a child. Madara wanted to be deeply insulted by that, but he couldn't bring himself to it, because he knew deep down he was being irrational to refuse medical help. This knowledge however didn't stop him from trying again.

"I can take care of it on my own." Madara argued, while he pushed his left arm closer to his chest, covering his hand.

"I know, but I want to help anyway." Hashirama didn't gave in that easily.

"I don't need your help." Madara spit out, only realizing afterwards how harsh these words sounded.

"Please, Madara" Hashirama hold his right hand forward. 'Just let me do this for you'. Madara looked from his own hand, to Hashirama's, to his pleading look in his eyes. He felt so visable, so unraveled under this gaze, as if no secret was standing between them.

"Fine, but let's go inside first." Madara couldn't bring himself say no to Hashirama, just like so many other times before.

Hashirama took off his shoes and placed them in the entrance hall, never leaving Madara's left hand out of his sight. The Uchiha rolled his eyes. Hashirama shouldn't be so overly dramatic over a small cut. The pain wasn't even that bothering anymore, becoming numb and dull just like any other physical wound eventually had to. It had primarily been the initial shock, which had made him stop. He was a warrior.

Madara lead Hashirama through the hallway around the house towards the room he had prepared. The backyard was behind them now. The sound of leaves moving in the wind and birds chirping made this scene oddly idylic. A small table was in the middle and Madara wasted no time to sat down on the tatami mat cross-legged. He hold his left hand in the air, as he placed his chin on his right one. A gesture, that was meant as an invitation.

"Didn't you want to look at it?" Madara asked, as he tried to make his expression give the appearence of total indifference to the Senju, who was still standing in the hallway. 

"Yes, of course. Thank you." Hashirama quickly entered the room and knelt down next to him. Hashirama's hands slowly touched Madara's outstreched left one. He surpressed another hiss as Hashirama moved his finger alongside the wound, inspecting it closely.

"How did this happen?" Hashirama asked, but Madara didn't answer.

"Madara?" Hashirama dug deeper, not letting his friend off the hook that easily.

"It was just an accident with a teapot." Madara's head snapped around as the half lie left his lips.

"I see," Hashirama said, clearly understanding the Uchiha didn't want to explain himself further, but happy to know at least something.

Little flames of green chakra engulfed his fingertips. Together they danced across Madara's palm, just a few milimeters away from eachother. The warmth was surprisingly pleasant. The cut closed itself within seconds, no scar remained on the tissue to tell everyone the story of today. Hashirama was not only known to be a talented warrior and leader, but also a prodigy in medical jutsu. The universe had gifted him splendidly.

And what did the universe made out of him? The leader of the Uchiha clan, whose own elders were against him? An omega, who wasn't even able to make tea? It would have been a great comedy, but Madara wasn't in a laughing mood.

"Luckily, it was a clean wound." Hashirama mentioned, as he was seemingly satisfied with his care. 

A shiver went across Madara's back, remembering Izuna's ugly gash, infected within seconds on the dirty battlefield. The bloodloss, the high fever, no medical nin in their clan had been able to help him anymore. 

_Maybe Hashirama had been able to..._ It was such a nasty thought, that was whispering inside his head from time to time. He had never talked about the details of Izuna's cause of death with Hashirama. He didn't want certainty, whether the Senju could save a man with this lethal wound, whether he could have helped his dying brother. 

The Uchiha simply didn't want to know, whether his pride and thirst for revenge had been the ultimate cause, that had doomed Izuna. Some things were better left unsaid. They do too much damage otherwise.

Madara noticed, how Hashirama still hold onto his hand, even after his work was done. His grip was warm and gentle, yet giving him stability like an anchor at the same time. The scent of the alpha so close to him comforted Madara's heavy mind. His chakra lingered in the air. Luckily, Hashirama overlooked the pinkish hue spreading out on Madara's face. The Uchiha turned his head in shame again before the other got another chance.

"Told you, it wasn't that bad." He cleared his throat and carefully retracted his hand. Hashirama's grip tightened a little bit, as if he wanted to hold onto him a little longer, before letting him ultimately go a second after. Madara told himself, that he must have imagined it. His omega brain had to be really desperate today.

No one said anything for a moment, but the silence didn't feel bad like before. It gave Madara time to breathe, to ignore his desire to grasp the Senju's hand again.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Madara changed the subject, taking a more comfortable position, leaning casually on both hands behind his back.

"Well... You just seemed really stressed after your clan meeting yesterday. And not stressed as in the usual way." 

A small chuckle on Madara's behalf. Was it really that obvious? He thought he did a good enough job at hiding emotional baggadge. Apparently not good enough to fool Hashirama. He needed to work on that.

"If you need anyone to talk to... Just know I'm always here for you!" Hashirama spoke, while he looked at the table, his hands started figdeting, as if he struggled with his own words. But that couldn't be, Madara reasoned. Then Hashirama abrubtly moved his head to look at his friend directly.

"But you don't have to. I don't want to force you or anything. It is just an offer..." The Senju began blabbering, a strained smile forming on his face, as if he didn't know, whether he had just overstepped an unknown boundary between them. Gone was the serious man, who didn't budge an inch just to treat a small wound.

Madara hummed to signal, he was listening. This made Hashirama's mouth shut instantly. Madara didn't know, where he should take this conversation further. A part of him wanted to be honest, to finally spill out everything, that burdened him, to seek refuge in the alpha's promises of assured betterment. It certainly felt good to have someone think about his wellbeing for once. The other part of him knew better than to indulge in these childish fantasies. He didn't want to burden his friend with doubts he wouldn't- no- couldn't understand. 

"It wasn't that bad." Madara seemed to repeat himself today. He eyed Hashirama, who clearly wasn't satisfied with this answer he got at all, but didn't want to rudely stop his friend after his first sentence into this topic. 

"You really shouldn't break your mind about it." He tried to be more convincing this time, his voice firm and unshakeable. At least he wanted it to appear that way, but Hashirama's eyes only got smaller and smaller in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe you." Hashirama sighed, as he looked at the ceiling.

"Why?" Madara countered stubbornly, nearly brattish. 

"Because I know you, Madara. I have seen the look on your face yesterday and the day before. Something is bothering you..." The Senju smiled sadly, as he whispered the next line.

"And I'm worried about you."

Why was Hashirama doing this to him? Why was trying so desperately to tear down these walls Madara had built around himself over the past years? He kept pushing and pushing, while Madara just wanted to keep everything together, trying to prevent the total collapse of the whole structure. Wasn't it laughable, how just one sentence of Hashirama could make him fluster so easily?

Alphas also weren't supposed to be worried about a mere beta. Why couldn't Hashirama act like he was supposed to, so Madara couldn't be tempted like this? 

"Sorry, I said I don't want to force you." Hashirama, scratching the back of his head, quickly backpedaled. Another 'sorry' for the pile, but an impact had already been made. Madara gulped, while his mind was racing, searching for a way to navigate out of these dangerous waters without revealing something forbidden for the foreign ears.

"Look Hashirama..."

Luckily, before the Uchiha could put himself in an even worse situation, a bird screeched in the backyars behind them. Madara realized in that moment with dread, what he had forgotten to do this morning. He had bought and prepared the meat for his falcons, but he hadn't actually fed them. He had been too focused on Hashirama, his head hadn't been working correctly. He felt sorry, but couldn't hold back the wave of relief for this unlikely rescue.

"They are hungry." Madara jumped on both of his feet mechanically, taking this opportunity to escape this trap made out of questions without any hesitation. He fled the room and ran towards the kitchen, leaving a confused looking Hashirama behind. His heart pounded in his chest. 

What just happened? Did he really...had he really considered telling Hashirama everything? That couldn't be true. He thought he had learned to handle these feelings, that made him act irrationally around Hashirama.

He didn't know, since when felt like this for his childhood friend. Had this developed during their secret meetings as children or was it the first time they stood in front of eachother as the respective leaders of their clans? He only knew all of it was wrong, so horribly wrong. 

He tried to deny his crush in the beginning, banishing those thoughts into the farthest corner of his mind, but that only made it worse. Everytime they battled, everytime Hashirama's flowery scent clouded his mind, everytime those brown eyes caught his own, the longing only got worse. So much worse, it filled his head with images of a dreamlike reality, where the Senju could return those forbidden feelings.

But Hashirama was a respected alpha and the world around him wasn't known to fulfill wishes. He would eventually find a pretty little omega to play the part of his armcandy as it was expected of him. Madara shouldn't be as offended by this thought as much as he was. 

Every other alpha clan leader was like that and Madara had promised himself, he would never be like his mother. Not even for Hashirama. His omegan side may have fallen for the Senju, but he himself did love his freedom more. He would never bow down to anyone.

But was his friend really like those other alphas? Madara's only reason for liking him in the first place, was that he was so different from any other person he ever met. His different ideals, unique ideas, new views on the world. They may be a little insane, but unlike any other. So why should he treat omegas the same? 

But even then he would have to reveal his second gender...

Madara laughed cynically as he made his way to the kitchen again. What would be most shocking for his people? The revelation that their clan leader was a worthless omega or the fact, that he had fallen for not only an outsider, but the leader of their archenemies themselves? He truly embodied the worst of the worst, breaking two of the clan rules at the same time. Maybe the elders were right in some aspects about him.

The black shards in the corner of the room taunted him somehow as he entered the room. Madara wanted to grind them with his shoes, until they turned to nothing but pieces of dust. The knowledge, that Hashirama might have followed him here, made him reconsider. He grabbed the bowl with the cut rabbit meat and put it into the red feed box, that he connected to his waisband. Then put on the thick leather gloves that were lying next to it and left the kitchen on the same way.

In the backyard, he approached the wooden mew regrettfully. He grabbed a little piece of meat with his gloved right hand from the box and opened one side of the cage. The raptor inside lost no time to jump onto his hand and devoured the meat with his yellow beak. With his left hand Madara took another piece out of the box, in his mind apologizing to his animal without saying it out loud.

"Have you named the two of them yet?" Hashirama's voice reached his ears. The Senju had come out of the room and jumped into the garden, that was now in front of him. He was smiling, hands behind his back, making his way slowly towards Madara to not frighten the big bird on the other's hand.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Haven't thought of it." Another lie. Madara had often asked himself, whether he should name them, when he had spontanously bought them after Konoha's founding. It was an irrational decision, but he needed a reason to stay in this house. He decided against naming them. He didn't want to get too attached.

His father had gifted Madara a falcon, a few years after his presentation. He didn't do it out of love, but out of Uchihan tradition. The falcon was the sign of strength and wealth of their bloodline. To carry such a predator on your wrist, was the priviledge of the mighty, so every future clan leader at the age of fourteen was gifted one. 

Madara had loved this bird, he began calling Yori. Just at the sight of her, he felt valitated as the heir, proud even. His constant fear, that his father would change his mind about him, was gone for a few weeks. In his free time, outside of battles and strategizing for the next one, he trained her, talked to her about things, he couldn't even trust Izuna with. She couldn't really help him with his doubts or give him life changing advice, but it felt good just to talk openly once in a while.

He should have seen it coming. He knew already, that the human life was about loss.

One night, the Uchihan compound was attacked by shinobi of unknown origin. They had many enemies, who wanted to take revenge. Madara didn't know to this day, who had thought, they could ambush the Uchiha and get out of it alive. They were fools. No major casualties were recorded on his side, but a few houses were set on fire, their house included. The flames also ingulfed Yori's mew, that was on the left side of his home.

Madara saw the ashes, after they had eliminated every attacker. They repaired the damages caused by the fire and moved on. Yori was just a bird after all. Madara declined his father's offer to buy another falcon. His Yori was gone out of his life just like that, just like his mother and siblings all those years ago. Just like his father would one year later. Just like Izuna...

"Can I suggest names?" Hashirama's question brought Madara's mind back into reality. The other's eyes were big, delight was nearly written on the Senju's forhead.

"I cannot stop you, can I?" Madara mumbled absentmindly as he grabbed another big peace of meat out of his box.

"How about this one being called... Mitsue!" Hashirama declared proudly, smirking from ear to ear like a four-year-old.

Surprisingly, he actually liked that name. A lot. It sounded strong and noble, but there was one problem. Madara laughed a little at the realisation.

"You don't like the name?" Hashirama pouted, misinterprating his laugh completely.

"No, Mitsue is a pretty name, but... isn't it female?"

"Do you mean... this one is a male? But he is so small! " Hashirama was in total disbelieve as he eyed the falcon on Madara's glove ones again.

"Yes, the smaller size is actually an indicator, that it's a male of his species." Madara corrected his friend's assumption. He continued on the differentiating color patterns between the two sexes for a few minutes, he descibed how male falcons had a grey head, while female one's were more reddish and brown, before realizing, what he was doing.

"You probably didn't want to hear all that." Madara stopped his biology lecture.

"No, no! It was facinating. You really know much about these birds" Hashirama reassured the selfconscious Uchiha.

"And I think Kin would suit him very well." Hashirama added with the same enthusiasm as before.

"Then he shall be named Kin." Madara concluded, but not fully sure, how he should feel about this procedure. All he could say, it felt good to make Hashirama laugh, like he did right now. Kin spread his wings, showcasing the golden hue in his feathers. He was now fed for today and hopped back into the mew, where it would be dark and warm.

Madara closed the door and walked to the other side of the wooden cage to feed his other little companion.

"Do you want to feed the other one?" Madara asked all of the sudden. 

"Can I?" Hashirama's scent was telling the Uchiha, how much this spontaneous offer had made the other explode with excitement on the inside. He turned around again to see a little flame spark in those beautiful eyes, the Senju had. He felt giddy like a schoolgirl. This was embarrassing. The Senju was sometimes so easy to read. Madara took of his gloves and handed them to his friend. The feed box followed.

"Just hold your hand forward and be confident!" Madara ordered, as he opened the cage. The compared to the other one bigger falcon immediatelly flew onto Hashirama's gloved hand, who was trying to hide his nervousness. It was an amusing sight.

"Now take a piece of meat out of the box." 

Hashirama followed Madara's commands a concentrated look on his face. 

"So this one is a female, right?" Hashirama asked. Madara simply nodded, as he watched the Senju's interaction with the raptor.

"Do you want to name this one Mitsue?" Madara asked, but Hashirma declined, reasoning that name wouldn't fit this bird.

"She looks like a Haya to me." The Senju said, as if there was a science behind naming birds.

"Haya and Kin..." Madara mumbled, seeing these now named birds somehow from a new perspective. 

This felt a lot better than their conversation from before. It didn't feel forced, he didn't feel cornered. He was just spending his time with his best friend, doing mundane tasks, laughing together. The world around him didn't matter around him. It was silent inside his head. He was calm for once.

Madara knew, Hashirama was supposed to fly freely, to be above the misery, this world could cause. It would have been wrong to tell his friends about his doubts. He would have bound him down with him, make him unable to imagine.

After devouring several pieces of rabbit, also Haya jumped back into the mew to rest. Madara closed the door. He took the feeding box and the gloves from the Senju and planning to bring them back to the kitchen.

"We can continue or talk inside, if you want. But there is nothing I hide from you about yesterday's meeting." Madara said this while laughing. It was meant as a small joke, to lighten the mood, make Hashirama show his blending smile once again, but the other suddenly grabbed his sleeve as he was about to go.

"What is it?" Madara saw the other's eyes go sad and regretful. This wasn't right. Had he said someting wrong? Everything had been fine just a moment ago. How could the mood change this quickly?

"There is something I need to tell you, Madara. Right now. I should have told you yesterday" 

This was wrong, he felt it. Madara wanted to run away again, to flee from this scene. He didn't wan to hear, what Hashirama wanted to tell him, but there was no distraction, that could safe him this time. 

"Madara, I...I lied!" 

And Madara understood. He heard something shatter in the distance. Or was it nearby? His eyes turned wide, his arms and legs failed to do anything. The wind stopped, no plant or animal dared to make a sound. Everything surrounding them was electrified by the sudden tension, that this confession had caused.

Hashirama's hands may be able to heal wounds on the outside, but Madara already knew that. Just now he had found out how horribly his tongue could cut you on the inside without needing to spill a single drop of blood to hurt. 

And it hurt so very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK!!!!!
> 
> A huge thank you to everyone for waiting and reading the next chapter of this story after what felt like years of waiting :')  
> Writing this one was weird, because writing felt drawn-out and rushed at the same time somehow...
> 
> I hope you find something you like about this chapter despite all of that, for I am just happy I could update again:)
> 
> Also I have no clue, how falconry works. I read a little bit about it, but I am no expert. Pls don't kill me if I said anything wrong regarding this sport :')
> 
> PS: If you want to make my day, write a comment with your feedback down below or leave a kudo. :D
> 
> Until next time <3


	7. Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter contains:  
> \- Attempted Self-harm

Frozen in his position, staring blankly at the soil beneath their feet. His head felt so heavy. Madara didn't dare to look up. He would only be confronted with the Senju's face and he didn't wish to discover, what his reaction would be. 

Hashirama had lied yesterday. He lied straight to his face! Since when did he know? 

Sharp pain right between the Uchiha's ribs, deep on the left side of his rib cage, made him feel cornered like a hunted animal. How could a few phrases cause such physical torment? He took a deep breath, the agony got only stronger every time. The invisible blade of betrayal cut deeper and deeper into his flesh. 

Madara hadn't blinked since the confession. His eyes began to burn, but it was nothing compared to the aching in his chest. He just continued to stare at the trampled grass, as uncontrollable emotions swept across his thoughts like a tidal wave. 

Fighting or running? Only those basic human instincts were left for him. He couldn't think of anything else. Both of these impulses were tearing on his sanity with unseen hands, screaming at him to act, to do something. 

He felt so helplessly torn. 

He shouldn't just stand there! He shouldn't feel this disgustingly powerless. He was the leader of his clan! He shouldn't be immobilized by a few words, shouldn't be reduced to this again, but it hurt. It hurt so much! 

After what felt like an eternity, running won. 

Madara let the feeding box and gloves fall to the ground, which he had still kept until this point. He didn't care. The Uchiha turned around to escape this nightmare. He needed to be alone. He needed to think. He had enough. 

"Wait!" The Senju quickly reacted to his sudden movement and didn't let him leave just like this. 

"Please let me explain, Madara!" Hashirama's voice sounded rough, higher-pitched than usual. It cracked a little as he cried out his friend's name as if he were the tormented one. It was insulting! 

He had no right to sound like this, Madara thought. The ocean of despair inside of him began to boil and anger took its place like a raging hurricane. 

He was the one, who had been lied to! 

The one, who tricked his clansmen with soothing words just a day earlier! 

The one, who got stabbed in the back by the very man, who was now following him back into the house like a kicked puppy. Madara grit his teeth together. Hashirama wasn't the victim here! The urge to fight back had been provoked. He wanted to take revenge. I wanted to be in control again. 

"What is there to explain, Hashirama? You lied to me about the Uzumaki, didn't you!" The Uchiha found his voice again but had to hold himself back from literally shouting. 

Instead, he put as much poison as possible within his accusations. They should hurt. Madara wanted them to. 

"Yes, but-but please let me explain!" 

Madara hesitated, clenching both of his fists. Hashirama's whining tone was so infuriating to him. The underlying urgency and panic made his stomach turn. It wasn't fair. This whole scene wasn't fair! 

A simple hallway wasn't the right place for an argument like this. An argument like this probably had no right place, because it shouldn't happen at all. 

He took a deep breath and turned around to see eyes just seconds away from crying. Small droplets already had formed in the corners and were caught in the dark lashes. They just waited to be let go, waited for the last push over the edge. 

Those eyes, Madara had secretly admired just moments ago, were now causing such chaos inside of him. It only outraged him at this point. 

Madara wanted to slap Hashirama. How could he dare to cry? 

But he just looked at the Senju, who gulped like a little boy under his angry gaze. Was he that startled, that Madara was waiting for his statement? 

"Madara, I am so, so sorry! I know I made a mistake!" 

Another goddamn sorry! How did the other still manage to sound this regretful every time? Madara knew his friend long enough to identify these genuine feelings of guilt and shame, but should he just forget his own anger because of that? 

But the most agonizing part about this confrontation was, that a small fraction of Madara immediately wanted to do so, to forgive his friend despite all of his doubt and questions. 

He wanted to rush back into the Senju's embrace to seek the warmth no one else in this world could provide him anymore. That bittersweet, nerve-wracking scent of the spring and autumn calling for his solace, making his skin crawl. He wanted to tear it off. 

Did Hashirama even realize, that he didn't play fair? 

"I got a scroll... with their proposal, but I haven't replied yet. Please Madara-!" 

"Not a single Uchiha will fight and bleed for those redheads!" Madara shot back immediately. His flaming Sharingan was shimmering aggressively at the alpha, but the Uchiha didn't do anything to prevent it. 

He needed to concentrate. He had to ignore this notion of simple forgiveness. He didn't want to hear those excuses, those sentences, which would make him forget the most crucial thing he should focus on: the safety of his clan. That was the only thing, that had to matter to him. 

"It isn't- That's not exactly- They want..." Hashirama hesitated, obviously searching for the words, that would clarify the whole situation. 

"It's.. a marriage proposal. They want me to marry the Chief's omega sister." 

Madara's mind went completely blank for a second. He closed his eyes and took steady breaths to remain reasonable as the new knowledge caused his ire to rise to unknown heights. 

Some random omega was supposed to be enough of a sacrifice? 

"A marriage proposal?" Madara muttered more to himself than to the Senju. 

He couldn't believe it! This was even more ridiculous than he had initially assumed! 

It was obvious to him even in his frantic state. They didn't only want their support this once, they dared to plunge their greedy claws deep into Konoha's hierarchy. They aimed right for the top spot without any shame or remorse! They made demands while crying for help! 

If the wife of the Hokage would be an Uzumaki, she would become a citizen of Konoha and therefore, the Uzumaki could count on their protection during the war without the approval of the four noble clans', without Madara's approval. Hashirama must have realized that as well, hadn't he? 

"But they probably are in dire need of support. Surely, you have heard the reports of the east. Maybe we could..." 

"No!" 

"But-" 

"Hashirama, if you continue any further, I guarantee you, that all of this is going to be over!" The Uchiha whispered, his snarl was full of open hostility and hatred. He would never allow any Uzumaki to infiltrate their Konoha no matter what crisis they had. 

They could choke on their tears and blood if it had been up to him! 

"You can't possibly mean that." Hashirama's eyes widened in shock. 

"I do, dear Hokage. The Uchiha will leave instantly if just one of them takes one step into this village!" Madara said coldly and calculated. In the back of his mind, he knew, what horrible consequences leaving Konoha would certainly cause, but he needed a threat, even if it was an empty one. 

Just yesterday, he had won over his clan to stay here, promised them they had made the right choice by uniting with the Senju. 

He couldn't inform them about the Uzumaki just a day later without losing all of his authority and causing more turmoil within the Uchiha's ranks. In the end, this would only benefit those damn elders. His clan would turn against him. He couldn't allow that to happen! 

Hashirama looked stunned. He blinked a few times, averted his eyes to the wooden floor. This was unbearable. Madara was surprised, how even his breath was through all of this. 

"If you don't want us to leave, reject their proposal before it even goes public," Madara announced flatly, nipping this topic in the bud without any room for compromise. 

He watched Hashirama's silent acknowledgment, but couldn't tell what the other thought. Even his scent, which was usually filling the surrounding air constantly, was now nothing but a weak whiff, getting lost within the tiniest breeze. 

Was he angry? Just disheartened? 

A sour taste of uncertainty spread out in Madara's mouth. He wasn't used to this. Should he feel bad for putting his friend under such pressure? 

No, he needed to stay determined for his clan! He needed to hold onto those feelings of anger and pain. They were, what made him strong. Forgiveness was for the weak, for the trampled. 

"If that's all, I think you should leave now." 

Hashirama's face got darker as he stood there without moving an inch. He looked lifeless like a statue. 

Defeated... 

Madara had never seen this expression before, but there wasn't a single ounce of regret inside of him. At least the Uchiha leader told himself so. This had been the only way out of this mess. 

Madara walked past the Senju towards the garden. He held his head high as he passed the Hokage and signaled, that this conversation was over, even though so many questions were still laying on Madara's soul. He had made his position clear. 

Hashirama understood. The wood cracked. Hashirama slowly walked in the opposite direction towards the front door. Madara listened to the numb sound of every step but didn't turn around to watch him go. But then... 

"Since when?" Madara himself was surprised, that he spoke up one last time. The echo of footsteps from the other end of the hallway died down; the Senju had stopped. 

Everything was quiet. Madara could only hear his own bloodstream in his ears. 

Why did it take so long for Hashirama to answer? Had he turned around? Was he now looking at him? Was he waiting for Madara to do the same? 

But Madara didn't want to see him, he only wanted an answer. 

"Three days" 

Three days... this felt like another punch to the gut. 

For three whole days, Hashirama had known about the scroll... 

How many times have they met since then? 

For three days, Madara had been lied to. 

'Why?' 

The question lay on his dry lips, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. Why should he be disappointed again? Why did even Hashirama have to let him down? 

Footsteps, the sound of the sliding door. Hashirama had left. It was over. 

Madara was alone. Again. He felt relief at first, but his breath, which he had managed to keep slow and flat, was now getting faster. 

All this anger, which he had under his control and directed at the Senju, now had no place to go. His chest was about to burst open. 

Madara fell to his knees as the tension left his body. He formed fists, slammed his left hand against the floor. It didn't hurt as much as he had expected. So he did it again. 

And again. 

And again until his hand eventually felt numb. 

As if in trance, the Uchiha leader moved his left hand above his head and studied his palm. There was no scar, the blood had been wiped away earlier. The sharp pain, that had caught him off guard, was nothing but a memory. 

His hand was numb, but nothing else. Not even the floor was damaged. 

Madara hated it. He hated all of it! 

Why was he still feeling this miserable? Why did his eyes water without any wound to cause it? 

He stood up and sprinted towards the kitchen. The pointed shards of the teapot were in the corner, where he had left them. With his right hand, he grabbed the largest one and hold it against the palm of his left. Exactly, where he had been cut earlier. 

The edge was sharp and cold. It resembled a kunai in form, color... and function. Just a few millimeters closer to his skin and he would have done it. He would have a reason to... 

What was he doing? 

Reality hit him and Madara frantically threw the shard back to the pile. 

Why would he... 

Did he really plan to... 

Madara couldn't believe he had even considered doing this. Where was his mind? 

He wanted to feel angry, he wanted to feel pain, but this was going too far! 

Only the morbid stench of disgust was now left for him. 

\---- 

The Uchiha remained in his garden for the rest of the day. He didn't want to stay in the house, but also didn't go into the town. He didn't want to catch a glimpse of the preparations for the oh so happy anniversary celebrations nor see a single person, especially not the Senju. He couldn't risk walking into him again. 

He took his time to meditate in the sun as the day went along as if nothing happened. It was a good strategy to gather his thoughts and replenish his energy. 

But the question of 'Why' never let his mind truly rest. 

Why would Hashirama not tell him about the Uzumaki clan? 

They wanted the Hokage to marry one of their Omegas. It was laughable. Madara wanted to be amused by their old-fashioned ways of fraternization, but couldn't help but feel insulted. 

He should be above this kind of behavior. His mind started to fool around again and the thought of Hashirama with another omega shouldn't concern him. Only the fact, that it was supposed to be someone of the Uzumaki clan should. 

But why did both of those facts upset him so much? Why couldn't he just cut the ties with his feelings for the Senju already? 

He had often been betrayed or lied to in the past. He had always acknowledged it without much interest. Killed the traitor mercilessly. Why did this time have to be so different? 

Madara looked at Haya and Kin, both sleeping peacefully in the reddening sun. He played with the idea of abandoning their names again. 

It was petty behavior and Madara knew it himself, but it was the only thing that gave him the sense of control over this situation. 

It was beginning to get dark again. The days seemed to run by lately. 

Tomorrow would be the festival and Madara wanted to puke only by the thought of it.  
Why should he celebrate this flawed construction? 

What should he do? He wanted change, wished to bring a better future, but was Konoha the right place for his clan? Could he really trust in Hashirama's way? Madara was overcome with grief and doubt. 

Was there even any place for them anymore? 

Madara felt crushed. 

The stone tablet written by his ancestors came back to his mind. 

He had always felt compelled towards the scripture of the Naka shrine telling him about the eternal dream that would bring peace to this reality. Using the moon to capture everyone on this planet in a genjutsu. It was tempting. 

Maybe there was no other way... 

"You seem distraught, Madara" A soothing voice caught Madara off guard. How did he not notice another person's chakra so close? 

Madara immediately turned around, activating his Sharingan. He scanned his surroundings, but couldn't find anyone until he looked back at his house. 

Someone, no, something came out of the shadows of the building. It was built like a man, but his skin was pitch black. There was not a single hair on this creature's body nor a mouth, from where the voice could have come from. Two piercing yellow eyes stared into his own without getting lost in the crimson. 

For the first time in ages, Madara didn't feel safe. Something about this man made him feel uneasy. Especially because he couldn't sense any chakra or scent from this person as if nothing but an illusion was in front of him. 

As if he was just part of the darkness and his eyes were playing a trick on him. It was unreal. 

"Who or what are you?" He demanded firmly. 

Was this a spy? Some form of Jutsu by the enemies of Konoha? Countless summonings, kekkei Genkai and other techniques ran through his head, but Madara had no single clue, what this presence standing across the garden was. That alone made him feel alarmed. 

"You don't have to feel threatened by me, Madara. I'm here to help." His laughter contrasted with his deep voice.

He knew his name, so why was he giggling then? Did he not know better than to take the infamous Uchiha leader on? 

And today Madara was in an unfavorable mood as well. He was just moments away from letting all his frustration out and kill this intruder. He didn't see any weapons. 

"I don't like to repeat myself. Who or what are you?" 

This creature snapped his head to his right side as if it was amused again, but there was no mouth to show a smile so one could only guess. He took another step forward, but stopped mysteriosly and looked around the garden. He had the audacity to let him wait! Madara knew, that his patience was running out. 

"I am the manifestation of your will, Madara Uchiha." 

The shinobi remained silent. This had to be a lie! He had never heard or read about anything like this. He eyed the creature skeptically, as it continued. 

"But you can call me Zetsu."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surpise?
> 
> I am back (again). I know, I say that everytime but bare with me please. XD  
> I hope you found something you liked about this rather short chapter and that was worth the wait :D 
> 
> PS: Tell me your thoughts or feedback in the comments or just leave a kudo. You are the best :3


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